Suspiciously quiet for Christmas

Last night was the last Thursday before Christmas, and you know what .... it was suspiciously quiet.
I get the feeling that anybody with money has fled to the country, the office parties are all over, and blokes are more concerned with panic buying last-minute presents than lapdances.

I did alright considering that an old friend randomly popped by, who didn't know that I worked there - they knew I am a dancer though, but while it wasn't totally awkward, it did throw me off a little bit.  Took a while to get my stripper swagger back, if I'm honest...

I'm going to work tonight, in the hope that a Christmas miracle happens, and that I get a nice big fat paycheck just in time for the annual Christmas Eve pub crawl.  If I find any time, I'll pull the odd shift over the holidays, but to be honest, I don't know where I will find the time.....

Sexy Santa Stripper's outfit - good or bad this year?

Any stripper worth her salt loves dressing up and the holiday season is, for me, the really exciting time when I dust off my furs and ermine and dress as Santa's little helper for as many shifts in December as I can manage.
You might think that with the current financial climate that a lapdancer should play it safe and stick to black lingerie and the LBD.... WRONG!
Guy's love a woman in a decent santa outfit.  They are all out on their annual Christmas do.  These are guys who visit stripclubs but once or twice a year, they have been drinking all day and are  operating in a pack mentality.  Not a violent, sarcastic pack of men trying to get one up on each other, like you get with Saturday nights stag do's.  No, these guys are going to be loud, drunk, but reasonably well behaved - well their boss is with them, overseeing the proceedings after all!  So wearing something in red or white that the guys can chat and joke over is a great conversation starter and dance getter.
A stripping christmas outfit falls in two camps - the Christmas themed teeny weeny bikini versus the fun cover-up dress.  Here's a picture of a girl in Hooter's - she has found a hotpants and bikini set and stuck tinsel on it.  That still making an effort, although a real stripper wouldn't be likely to wear something so scratchy that you can't pull on or off easily.

Thanks to Stinkie Pinkie at Flickr.

Now I've got a fairly good body which is toned and trim most of the time, but I do tend to over-indulge in the winter months.  I have a few similar versions of this outfit - red and white bikini's with a fur trim, that sort of thing.  They look good with lashings of fake tan and body glitter and lots of spangly diamante jewellery.

However, if I've had too many mince pies or want to look less slutty, more glam - say for a midweek crowd, then it's good to have a proper cover-up dress. Of course I am a lapdancer so my version of a cover up would look something like this;

thanks to photognome at Flickr!

This is a cover up as....

• The stripy stockings mean that I could not shave my legs that day.
• The big belt would hide any mince pie bloating
• The little cape would keep me warm and snuggly - perfect in a nippy stripclub, or as a comfort blanket if I'm working through stripper-flu.
• I'd only need to fake tan my top half. 5 minutes till I'm on stage? no problemo...

So to summarise - get your lapdancer's body into a santa's outfit this week! It may be gloomy weather and economic prospects, but that's why there are beautiful girls on this world ready to take their clothes off and spread their festive cheer!

P.S.  Unless, like me, your co-workers are all wearing bloody Santa's little helper outfits. In which case wear the black lingerie - you will stand out more!

Bankers count their pennies

This is a short post, but it doesn't need much to sum up the scene in London at the moment.

I met a really nice guy who worked for HSBC banking recruitment today. He earnt at least a grand a week plus bonus - which would have been announced around this time of year.

It was perfect - we got on like a house on fire, he thought I was gorgeous, basically my night was in the bag.

Or so I thought...

Turns out he's only been out in the west end 6 times in the past year. Seems he likes saving not spending. Wants a cottage in the country, even though he finds the suburbs boring.

I told him that he spends more on travel than going out.
I even pointed out that with rising inflation, it's best to spend not save this year - especially as he could claim back tonight on expenses.

He spent £50 on dances and drank beer all night.
Apparently he's not comfortable spending money, just making it....

Dreams for 2011

Pay off my Uni,credit card and loans
Pay my dealer whilst I'm at it after the Christmas binge
Try to drink one bottle of red wine per day, not two
Find some sparkly stripper shoes that don't give me callouses the next day
Get some more regular customers
Get a decent VIP booking at least once a week; not once a month!!
Find the holy Grail of tooth whitening products
Find my perfect blonde...and dream hairdresser to do it
Do something big, like buy a house, or get a book published, or learn how to drive ...actually what's the point in driving? I live in London for chrissakes and drink every day

So there's my resolutions for this year. I think they sound pretty doable, hey?

It was getting to the end of the night and although it was kinda busy I still hadn't made much money. I was just at the edges of feeling really tired and hungry too - I hadn't brought any snacks in and been at the office all day and had then had a Hammamm spa treatment so, yeah, basically all I had had was lunch and an apple. That may be enough for ur average skinny model wannabe but I'm the kinda pony that does pretty aerobic stuff right through to three/four am.

So it's getting to the end of the night like I said and a little voice in my head is thinking "screw it, well at least you tried. A hundred quid in ur pocket is better than a slap in the face"
But then the other voice in my head is egging me on "you're here now, you may as well work to the end - remember your goals and debts"
So I decided just one more client, give it all you've got, grab a few last dances then go home.  It's the sort of inner chatter self compromise you make at 1am. 
The guyturned out to be sweet, it was his first time even though he was easily 50, and had actually worked on the lighting installation whenthe club was firstbuilt. He was complaining to me that he had had ten dances and still hadn't got off. Now a disgruntled customer Can be hard to work with, but with 10 dances under his belt he could obviously be persuaded to have more, you just have to find the right angle.   
So I did a naughty thing, for me anyway, and said that I could get him off in the VIP. Not full blown sex or anything, but I could get him off and he would leave happy - I hate to see a first timer leave my club unhappy.
I know lots of strippers say this all day long, but leading and lying really ain't my bag usually. But like I said, I was tired, hungry, and if I didn't get any dough off this guy I was going home.

Surprise surprise I got him in VIP for half hour and I felt like a lying shit making excuses when I was in there. He was such a sweetie too and blamed the bouncer interruptions not me. 

It's the next day now and the money will go towards paying my huge credit card bill. They won't lower my interest but secretly hiked it too 34.5%, so I am afraid I am just gonna have to be a bit tough on you clients till it's paid off, alright????