I like lapdancing! So why quit?

I'm a lapdancer.
But then I'm always asked "Why?"
Well I like it - I like lapdancing.

There, I said it.  I like lapdancing. I like my job, I like what I do, I like what it brings and what it does - is it really so strange to have a bit of job satisfaction?

Sure, I've had bad days.  I've had times when my job - my chosen career in fact - times when the job seemed to be too much.  I'd stomp off in a huff.  I'd fight back tears in the toilets.  I'd feel incandescent with rage - at the customers, the management, my fellow dancers and the assorted staff.  I'd come home and cry.

But doesn't everybody get days like that?

I've recently had the opportunity to try out a different career path - the office.  Nice, safe, dependable - a steady wage, with steady skills being gained, a steady crowd of fellow employees.  I found it, after years of stripping;

mundane
repetitive
and totally frustrating.

The thing is, lapdancing is a career for many women, and yet; its not seen as valid by so much of society.
I'm lucky - blessed even, to have a network of family and friends who know what I do, don't mind - are only interested and intrigued even.  I live in London, one of the world's most cosmopolitan cities, and have people around me with sophisticated, modern attitudes and lives.  I blog and tweet about my experiences on a regular basis, and the general feedbackand comments are pretty positive.

Sure, I know that lapdancing can be a pretty bad experience for some women, for various reasons - and I fully support and champion changing that.  But I guess what I am trying to say, is
"why can't I enjoy my lapdancing job?"
In a way, I can't say I mind society's attitudes too much.  Perhaps, if I like lapdancing, its enough to keep it a secret.  I like lapdancing, I like being a lapdancer, but I like its social cachet too. Besides, if everybody likes lapdancing, wouldn't it make it as normal as the office?

Lapdancing advertising - great or disgusting?

I noticed that 2 girls were fined for 'defacing' a poster promoting Spearmint Rhino, which reminded me of a another poster incident last year, when Rhino were given a good spanking by the ASA for a 'Back to School' poster.
Even at 4am, as I sat in a smelly cab on my way home from my stripclub, it made me think - as a dancer, I want all the promotion for lapdancing clubs, their nights, prices, and how cool they are, as the industry can get.  It gets customers in through the door after all.  But is at a price of offending the general public, and is it promoting distasteful attitudes and morals?

Now, I don't know how I feel about the back 2 school poster, as I have a schoolgirl outfit myself and do very well in it, thankyou.   I also really like Spearmint Rhino - as a club, there are lots of fairly friendly girls, the bouncers and management are, well, they are never going to be friendly, as men who work in stripclubs almost always have an attitude problem, but they do have listening abilities and say hello, and don't sleep or pressurise the girls that I have heard of, so as stripclubs go, its not that bad....

But advertising a sexy schoolgirl night? It's an ad-campaign that will work, and get punters through the door, because the sexualisation of schoolgirls happens at club nights and fancy dress parties all over the country. But I agree with the ASA on this one - schoolgirls shouldn't be associated with the promotional material for mainstream stripclubs, that have massive posterboards spread all over the world.

In the other story, the poor two girls were CAUGHT MID-ACT (oh, honey, can't you be more of a street-smart feminist?) and fined £80 for scrawling 'WOMEN ARE NOT OBJECTS' on the posters advertising a new Leicester stripclub (again Spearmint Rhino).  Whilst this story was incredibly funny during my 4am journey home, I feel proud that there are still female activists out there that feel that lapdancing is a dehumanising industry, because, in sooooo many ways, it really is.  

I was a lapdancing activist last year, when a whole host of club management and strippers protested against new Government legislation that classified lapdancers as 'sex-workers'.  Waving a placard around and shouting slogans was great fun, and so my hat goes off to anyone who makes a stand - whether its for my industry or against it.

Just don't stop any punters walking through the doors, ok?  

The schoolgirl poster is one I definately recognise, and you can read about the story on my favourite Sunday paper, the Guardian's website here; http://www.guardian.co.uk/media/2010/nov/10/spearmint-rhino-poster-asa

The graffitied poster can be found on the good ol' Beeb website; http://cdnedge.bbc.co.uk/local/leicester/hi/people_and_places/newsid_9357000/9357750.stm

P.S. I always get worried when I provide direct links to websites, so if I have done an internet boo-boo please leave a comment and i will sharpen up my manners....

Voodoo at the strip club

Now I know everyone is broke right now, and trying to pull a fast one, but theres ways top get your own way and then theres ones that are right out of the ball park.  The excuses that don't quite wash, the protestations that go on and on till they wear you down, even idle threats - I have dealt with all of them, and I am usually fireproof. 

But this one guy tonight right, well, when I had danced awhile for him - say 5 songs, and he'd only paid for one, he came up with a whole new get out clause-
he said he practised black magic and he was goin to call Satan and his devils onto me..... bad nasty luck n sh*t for life....
To be honest, I didn't laugh it off - I couldn't.  I have a good luck corner at home, carry a jade crystal in my bag, and fully believe, even practise, cosmic oredering.  And karma?  Suscribed from birth.
So when this drunkard looked deep into my eyes and said all this, being totally unreasonable, I was scared.  Real scared.  I thought he was going to hit me to be honest, and all of a sudden he seemed all-powerful, and a big man, whilst I was a small girl, half naked, in a room.

Of course, the b*stard got away with his crappy behaviour, I am now back at home fuming, and my handbag is half empty, and the rent still needs paying next week.

who needs voodoo threats when my luck is running this badly already???

Dazed and confused

I will always argue that my work persona - the girlwho is the stage name rather than the girlwho hides behind it - does not affect me oin a day to day reality basis.
But then I have a normal night, and the gulf that lies between me and us seems to be a bit more flexible.
I hang out with a load of old pals, for the past decade or so, and yet I feel detached.  My behaviour, my clothing, my points of conversationalreference just seem off .
F***knows why, darlings....
 
The worst thing that this job has ever given me is a serial short term memory.
It's either because;


a)  I want to forget (sorry to convention, but thats just not true.  I long to recall in HD detail)

b) The drinking, the drugs, the partying, the grooving and the talking, endlessly night after night, have rewired my barin till its all one big blur)

So anyway, why do I feel left out?
Even amongst old friends, a shadow of my former self?

I will tell you why,    it's beause, earnings wise, I am simply a shadow.

I am on the breadline compared to the financial freedom I enjoyed until even just a few months ago.

At first I was afraid, I thought it was me - I was too fat, too blonde, my hair was all wrong, my outfits were like a sack of potatoes.

But tonight I shared my problems, and an old, bestest friend of mine pointed out -

"It's not just you - the whole world's in trouble"

So next time you hear me complaining, just remind me of today's post!!

An epic 5 day week for zilch...

Ok, so I know what your thinking - 5 days of work a week? Absolutely no sweat.

Yeah well, I've had 'normal' jobs, and 5 days did drag on, but in a totally different way. 

normal - you wake up early, but get home at a decent enough time to visit the pub and watch decent telly.
stripping - you crawl fuzzy headed outa bed at midday, the pubs full of losers and all you mates are at work till....

n -  ...till  its 6pm, when your pals begin arriving home
s - ....just as your leaving for work

n - you get paid a wage, day in, day out
s - you pay the club - anything from £40 to £100 a shift !!!

n - its 9am to 5pm
s - its 8pm to 5am

So ok, I am feeling kinda sorry for myself, which is why I haven't written much recently.  This has been the hardest month, money wise, that I have had in a 7 year career of stripping.  The money has just been painfully crap, I feel fat, the hairdresser did a really dodgy job on my highlights, and the sun only started to come out yesterday.

There haven't even been any sexy customers coming in.  I usually can find one or two semi-attractive, or friendly guys, just so that I can have a little flirt and get my game on before running round the rest of the club, letting those pheromones waft over all the other customers.  So yes, lapdancers do find some of you guys cute!! 

(still no sex in the champagne room though, sorry)

However, there is light at the end of the tunnel.  I know this sounds WRONG, seeing as I am a twentysomething lady who has taken her clothes off in front of half the local male population, but recently the local university students seem to be coming in, and well, they can be really hot.  Really, really hot, and they get so excited by us girls, and you can just sense that young teenage lust oozing out of their every pore, especially for their favourite dancers.....

So, Jacob, that young aussie in a checked shirt who had cheekbones to die for, and a nice little packed out chest on him - I rubbed up against it for the whole of our (longer than usual) dance..... come back sometime and say hello to me   .......

Monday night blues

hard Hustling work, thats what monday was about

Christ i felt good bringing home a measly hundred quid - i worked my butt off for every penny of that you see,  and sometimes you have to be glad that you came home with anything at all !!!!

am going to read my stripper sales literature today to get my game head on... it feels like it'll be a long week, the kinda week i will really need all the help i can get.....

Scary John takes his clothes off

How drunk would a customer have to be in a lapdancing club to pull his trousers down, wave his willy about and ask for sex, or a handjob, or a spanking - or all of the above.
God it was embarrassing, and the only good thing to come out of it was the opportunity to nip home early.  It was a horribly slow night and i told my boss that i was very upset by the whole situation.....

But the worst thing of all was that he grabbed my wrist and I had to hit him with my handbag to get him off me.  Unfortunately I'm not living in a Soprano's episode, so the bouncers can't kick his face in.  Not that I condone violence, but its a real shame that they can't be a little more agressive sometimes, especially when someones have been a dick to me.

Oh, and who watches the cameras in the private dance booths - every bloody manager and security heavy in the club,  but only when there is a funny bit like that guy mooning at me, his white ass cheeks flashing in the video.  Another dancer did a spectacular banana skin style slip onto her bum whilst in the VIP, and they rewound it over and over in the back room, and teased the poor essex lass mercilessly for a week.....

Is the Year of the Tiger going to be my year?

So it was the year of the tiger today, or at least I thought it was. I ended up arguing with some Czech girl whether it was today - Sunday 20th Feb - or last week. I'm English and shes Czechslovakian, she wwears a wig and I'm a bottle blonde, so neither of us knew anything really.....

Still, any excuse for a pary, hey?

So there I was, prancing around the club, prowling for customers I could sink my claws into, figuring that this was the night when I made my rent - which is ohhhh 2 days late now - and how did I do?

Even worse, worser, worsest, than my usual Sunday night.

This tiger cub ended up leaving with her tail between her legs and catching the nightbus home in the rain. Hmph, highly glamorous.

Shopping List

ooohhhh it's all the lovely sexy things i want to wear and play with....
Shopping List