Dazed and confused

I will always argue that my work persona - the girlwho is the stage name rather than the girlwho hides behind it - does not affect me oin a day to day reality basis.
But then I have a normal night, and the gulf that lies between me and us seems to be a bit more flexible.
I hang out with a load of old pals, for the past decade or so, and yet I feel detached.  My behaviour, my clothing, my points of conversationalreference just seem off .
F***knows why, darlings....
 
The worst thing that this job has ever given me is a serial short term memory.
It's either because;


a)  I want to forget (sorry to convention, but thats just not true.  I long to recall in HD detail)

b) The drinking, the drugs, the partying, the grooving and the talking, endlessly night after night, have rewired my barin till its all one big blur)

So anyway, why do I feel left out?
Even amongst old friends, a shadow of my former self?

I will tell you why,    it's beause, earnings wise, I am simply a shadow.

I am on the breadline compared to the financial freedom I enjoyed until even just a few months ago.

At first I was afraid, I thought it was me - I was too fat, too blonde, my hair was all wrong, my outfits were like a sack of potatoes.

But tonight I shared my problems, and an old, bestest friend of mine pointed out -

"It's not just you - the whole world's in trouble"

So next time you hear me complaining, just remind me of today's post!!

i spin around a pole and break my nose

I love my job, i really do......

but there are certain things, and certain nights, that really really get on my tits

like customers with haliotosis
like the security guys that become managers
like the skinnier girls
like the commission for just breathing, let alone taking my clothes off
like the ones that don't spend money on my hard - yes hrad - put the hours in work
like the ones that argue about the money like it should be a gift
like the times i can't have pudding because i have to watch my weight
or my skin
or my hair
or whatever piece of crap people fancy today

Today I span around the pole about a million times, then just when i was leaving for the changing room, some dumb idiot of a girl didn't hold the door open and it slammed into mine and our managers face. Yes. Very dumb.
But she didn't even say sorry, she just walked.
And it didn't hit the manager, just me. Right in the bridge. Big red lump.

Great, thats another few days of sitting at home unpaid for me then.....

and no, I don't have savings, I don't earn more than you, and I'm not blessed...
I get it when I can, I spend it when I can, and it infringes on every physical and emotional part of my being....

why do I do it?
Hell I dunno, why do you do your job, huh?