Get naked a lot? Catch a lot of colds too!

I'm fuming.  I'm lying in bed, snotty rags and mugs of lemsip surrounding me like a germy entourage.  I've watched everything on BBC iPlayer, and all my videos.  My nose is so sore it looks like I have a ten gram a day coke habit, and I swear that the rising of my chest is making my tits sag a little bit more with every raspy cough.

I just got over a cold.  I felt like shit last week, as twitter followers may remember.  So I recuperate, then sashay back into the club three days later, ready to take it slow and push for VIPs rather than bone shaking booty dances.  And whaddya know? It was a shit Tuesday night, and I caught another fricking cold.  Again!  I coughed for the last hour, did the last stage show as a feverish chill ran through my body as it took off the scant nylon layers to stand butt naked in a draughty stripclub.

This cold is different from last weeks.  I'm running a temperature and coughing a lot, like some sick demon is tickling my throat.  I've also got achey muscles, especially in my lower back, which is making my bum hurt. last week was a sniffle - this one is a big nasty ickiness.

I'm fuming with the bad timing of it all.  Here I am, in the run-up to Christmas, a time when I should be hustling my butt off, and all the other girls are off making money while the proverbial sun shines and I'm tucked up in bed like a fleabag broad.

Strippers catch lots of colds.  Its the all-nighters we pull, the daily drinks, the proximity to hundreds of different guys every week, and the cavernous basement clubs which are freezing until the crowds fill it up.  Oh yeah, and we get naked and filthy unwashed hands try and touch us - a lot.  Guys and girls are always lunging in to slap my butt, brush against my thighs, play with my hair, and stroke my face.  I really don't care that customers get a little excited, I just wish that it could be handled without spreading germs all over me.  It would have been nice to work the fortnight before Christmas and create a little nest egg.

Ah well, there's always next year....  sniffle...

Update on my butchered pussy

Thanks for all the kind messages written by those twittering readers who, grimacing in sympathy pains, read my post on an extremely painful waxing a few days ago.  I've been watching my lady garden heal and it's been an interesting set of developments....

Firstly, I've taken every night since off from work, because;

• The skin is red raw, and doesn't look paticuarly attractive.
• Little weeping spots and tiny scabs where a layer of skin got whipped off mean that I don't want to run the risk of infection from covering it with make-up or fake tan.
• The thought of chaffing as I pull my G-string up and down multiple times in the night makes me wince.  Lace panties would run the risk of getting snagged, nylon seems too sweaty, and big cotton granny pants are out of the fucking question for various obvious reasons.

I've even had to change my usual food, as I am a big fan of spices and chilli, but its been all salt and no pepper as the bum area has naturally been feeling a bit sensitive too.  You feel like a baby getting her nappy changed when the therapist hoists your legs into the air so that she can wax your crack.  My arse isn't a ring of fire, unlike my snatch, but it's still a bit tender from her manhandling and over-enthusiatic hot molten wax application, so best to err on the side of caution and eat plain fare.

The vajazzle is intact, but as the skin around it is so irritated it's taking real willpower not to pick all the gems off in a furious scratching frenzy.  The previous times I got vajazzled, I wore sexy and alluring underwear non-stop as I was so inwardly proud of my dazzling cunt that twinkled when I took a tinkle.  However, this time I have been slopping around in silk french knickers and cotton briefs from M & S and slobbing around the sofa in trackie pants and Thai fisherman's trousers.   The only dancing I've done in the past 72 hours was a dance for joy when I discovered my silk pajama's with a fleecy lining at the back of my wardrobe.  The epitome of comfort.... 

All-in-all, what should have been a standard beauty procedure to turn me into a smooth porno goddess has wrenched my bits apart till I am a hobbling feral-cat that scratches herself on the sofa more often than an ITV ad-break.  The only equipment I'm letting within a five foot radius of my poor frazzled pussy is a hot water bottle.  But I've discovered a solution.  It's friday, I've called in sick and the local pub doesn't mind if I wear the same trackie suit all weekend.  Alcohol is also a much better pain reliever than aspirin, paticuarly for butchered pussies (true- the ships cat's of old loved a tot of rum when on the high seas).  

I'm off for a pint....

Does waxing hurt more after sex?

Hobbling out of the salon with tears in my eyes, I have to ask - does waxing hurt MORE if you've just had sex?

I'd be inclined to say that it really, really does, as I remember the waxes I've had in far more vivid details than most of the sex I've had.  This waxing session will haunt me for the rest of my life.

I'd had a little shag and a nice orgasm in the morning, then popped out for lunch, and stupidly decided to see if my local salons had any walk-in's available.  I'd noticed that they had started doing vajazzling last time I was in there, and was really keen to get another one - I'm not a vajazzle virgin anymore, so have the chutzpah to make gungho decisions like walking into a salon and getting her bits ripped apart after a nice burger and chips lunch.

The hair was too short to grip to the wax properly - OWCH

Wax is also very hot - OWCH

She had to rewax some areas more than once as hairs failed to come out - OWCH

Any left-over hairs were threaded out - bits of cotton pulling at individual hairs - OWCH

The got out the tweezers once the threading had reduced me to tears - OWCH

Finally, she rewaxed with the cream wax to clean it up - OWCH

...Before pressing down hard on the vajazzle sticker to make it stick - OWCH OWCH OWCH

My skin has literally been flayed, my poor, poor little pussy is swollen, with angry looking bumps all over it that will probably cause some nasty spots and ingrowing hairs in the future.

The vajazzle sticker isn't even in quite the right place, it's more thigh than vaj, and the twinkles it gives off are bouncing of the red raw skin.  Even the crystals don't look right as they are not sitting on an enticing trimmed lady garden, but balanced precariously on a ferocious undulating tide of angry growler.

I'm sure that because my bits had been excited a few hours previously - lets say three - that it reacted with a vengeance once I put it through so much pain.  My poor pussy was probably all snuggled in the dark womb of my comfy French knickers, enjoying having been licked and loved, safe in the knowledge that I wouldn't be getting her out again till nighttime, where she would be squeezed into some sticky, stretchy nylon G-string, with a dental floss behind which sweated up my ass crack.  I'm sure she was very happy - that is until my brain randomly came up with the crappest idea of the century AKA hot wax, hair pulling, extra-strength glue and not a minute's warning.

No wonder my faithful friend is now sulking right royally, and will probably develop an itchy rash once the swelling, burning sensation has subsided, just to really make sure that I get taught a lesson here.

How to stay healthy and eat safe during the London Riots

There are 3 things which always concern me - diet, personal safety and money.
Because the London Riots show no sign of abating any time soon, I've been forced to have a long hard think today on how I can stop the riots affecting me too much.

Let's explain;

• I live in South London, and work in the West End - riots have occurred in both places, and travel, especially late at night, will be difficult.  So it's best to stay at home, stay safe and take a few days off work if possible.
• However, I took last weekend off, and used most of my money to cover bills and rent last week, so I'm flat broke.  Can I risk going to work? Will anybody even be visiting stripclubs right now?  
• All of the shops have been told by police to shut early, so it will be difficult to get food, especially fresh - I'll need to bulk buy and plan my meals so that I stay away from frozen pizza and naughty foods!

Basically, I don't know how many nights it will be before the club will be both safe to work in and have enough punters for me to make any money. Remember, it costs ME to work - house fee, travel, accessories - around £60-100 a shift.

I also need to stay looking trim, as I'm stuck at home for the best part of the week - my gym is closed and it's not safe to jog round the park when gangs are congregating there.  

So I took action!  I went to the ATM and withdrew enough cash for a few days - well they will be empty if this carries on.  I then visited the local fruit and veg market and bulk bought enough fresh produce to tear my arms off - I balanced it all on the handlebars of my bike but it was still more than little ol'me could handle.  

So my week is looking like this;

roasted veg, cous cous & feta (cheap, long lasting produce that tastes amazing!)

homemade soups & chowder - this recipe only has a few ingredients

halloumi & olives - both keep well in the fridge

marinate a family pack of chicken drumsticks and freeze

dust off my yoga mat & do a youtube yoga class in my living room - this core strength one should do the trick

hula-hoop in my garden for cardio

Sunbathe in the garden too

Read the naughty doorstopper ; 'Juliette' by Marquis de Sade (this will keep my mojo up!)

As I write this, sirens are blaring up and down the streets near my house - I can hear 6 different types and cars. Shops all over London are boarded up. Stripclubs are shut - even Spearmint Rhino was evacuated last night (although Platinum Lace proudly tweeted that they were open!)  Who knows when I'll make money again? Or be able to pop out without fear?!

But at least I'll stay solvent and skinny....