Thursday, 28 April 2011

Stripclub Stereotypes #4 ; Prince Charming

Every girl - even the hardest hitting hustler - dreams of a prince to whisk her away and protect her.  Could you be Prince Charming?  If you are the kind of man that wants to make a poor dancing girls dreams come true, here is a rough guide;

  • Looks and charm are key.  A princess-in-waiting needs her prince to stimulate her senses, till her heart beats so fast her perched nipples stand to attention.  Don't worry if you are not top banana in the looks department - fake the princely look with a smart suit, an artfully placed handkerchief and affect an accent. After a couple of bottles of champagne and enough compliments to make the Queen herself blush, even the biggest busted and stone hearted stripper will have booze goggles and will be hanging on your every word ( and dollar).
  • Please suggest the VIP before she does - a gurl likes to be rushed off her feet.  But no hardcore dancing I am afraid - you want to gaze into her eyes and discover the lady within.
  • Channel Cinderella - spend all night and pots of cash on the dazzled girl then disappear just before the club closes, leaving only a crumpled business card and a half finished bottle of Cristal.
  • Keep her waiting until your next visit, and upon your arrival, insist very loudly that whilst you will be a proper gent and buy the rejected girls a drink, you wait only for your special woman.  This way the other dancers will think that you are a decent sort of chappie and respect your obvious adoration and desires for said dancer-in-waiting.
Knowing us girls after all this the other dancers will probably hot-foot it to the changing room/stage/their pals/another customer and spill - gossip spreads like wildfire in a strip club environment.  

You may feel the hairs pricking on the back of your neck as you feel the full force of a stripclub full of beautiful women desiring you and men wanting to be you.  You'll be the Prince rocking the party so make sure the champagne keeps flowing, money keeps flying through the air, and the two of you laugh louder than anybody else in the room.

Before you'll know it you will be envied by all in the club as the ultimate suave Prince Charming who got the girl and turned her into a Princess for the night.

Wednesday, 20 April 2011

Stripclub Stereotypes #3 ; The college/University stripper

Now lets face it, stripping is perfect for putting a girl through education.  You don't have to get up in the morning so can work a late night, you are young and in your giggliest, most sociable prime, and are probably not in your hometown.  Plus you get paid in cash, far more than the average bartending/shelf-stacking part-timer, and can save that student loan for a rainy day.  Why not be a college/university stripper?

It's also a stereotype which is continually abused by most lapdancers.  There was a recent study from the University of Leeds which stated that one in four lapdancers have a university degree. I'd agree that this is a fair estimate, but if you are a punter and ask the question outright, show the slightest bit of keeness that you hope your right, and she will flutter her lashes and say "Yes! of course!"

(an article can be found here;
and a good blog post from the informative Busaman group can be found here; )

Most college/university strippers will be studying something along these lines;

  • Beauty    Because we spend hours in front of the mirror each night, preening ourselves, and you may as well know how to put on the slap properly.
  • Hairdressing  As above, but this is also a really useful skill for a dancer to have, as she will make a lot of friends in the changing room if she knows how to curl those locks just so and execute a killer blowdry.  And more friends = more girls who will bring you onto a good table.
  • Acting/Dancing   As every night spent in the club is theoretically a method acting opportunity.  Besides, most auditions are held after lunch.
  • Business studies   Paticuarly if said dancer is an eastern european.  They really like studying business studies, I guess its because lots of the city colleges offer it.
  • The arts  Struggling artists and muso types gravitate towards and opportunity to express themselves whilst bounding around naked and earning decent pocket money until they are discovered.
  • Law   I know, weird huh?  I think it's something to do with the super expensive fees and the lengthy course, but I swear I've met more than a few girls in pink G-strings who also like a legal brief.  I blame the Legally Blonde effect.

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Tuesday, 19 April 2011

Stripclub Stereotypes #2 ; perverted wallet worriers

These are the urban legends of the average stripclub punter.  The media will portray them as dirty mac wearing, shuffling men with a combover and hands that creep to their crotch.  I know them as bread-and- butter regulars who are great for having a guaranteed dance from, but are generally so eager to molest that its not always the nicest option.

Perverted wallet worriers have an enclycopaedic knowledge of the nearest stripclubs and their favourite dancers, and which girl does what and for what price.  This can lead to arguments from the old-hand stripper, who won't give a toss what he says, she ain't doing it! It can also be distressing for the new girls, who get manipulated into thinking thats how far all the girls go, and that breaking the rules they were told at the start is normal.  At the end of the day, yeah it probably happened, once or twice, but wasn't as good as he remembers and has built up into in his wankbank of collective memories.

Whilst old-school perverted wallet worriers may have worn a dirty anorak, nowadays the door policy makes them leave the old mac at the coatcheck.  They can be spotted at the tipping rail, nursing their single beer, staring at the girls on stage with glazed eyes and eeking out their notes to last all night. 

Stripclub Stereotypes #1 ; The single mom stripper

Ahh, the single mum stripper - This is a classic stripper stereotype, and happens more than most of you think.

They can be spotted by having toned, banging bodies and a super tight tum.  I know it's the opposite of what you would think, but these women know how much their job means to them and their kids, and are willing to work hard - in the gym, at home, and at the club.  They've been forced to start taking their job seriously - its no more easy times and easy money, as they can't be selfish or blase about what they do with their days anymore.  No, there are two (or more) to think about now, and seeing as the average childhood is 16 years plus, whilst you can strip for perhaps a decade, perhaps a little more, and you will see why the single mum stripper is one of the hardest working stripper stereotypes you'll find.

Not that they'll tell you that easily.  It's private and personal, and if you just want a dance or two, there's no need for you to know.

Even in the changing room, they might keep it quiet.  The managers will know, due to no-shows at a shift or reasons for why they should be let home early.  A few dancers will know, but probably because they admired the single mom stripper's super toned tummy and were shocked (and slightly jealous, natch) to hear that the rippling flesh had popped out several little munchkins, and that the toned svelte arms were from lugging babies about.
I can guarantee that as soon as that single stripper mom could, she started doing those sit-ups and squeezing those pelvic floor muscles so that she could start earning again.

And for those who wonder what childbirth does to her snatch?  Well, what with the waxing and fake tan and body glitter and strobe lights, even a triple single mom's looks tasty enough for a VIP....

Stripclub Stereotypes ; a new series

I've decided that although this blog is a personal journey, the strip club world is a private world, full of different characters - from the weird and wonderful to the relatively normal who get dragged in like so many exhibitionist and pervy flotsam and jetsam.

To give some sort of background, I've been asking fellow dancers and chosen customers what type of stereotypes - both punters and dancers - keep popping up and in.

The response has been great, and made me think of the club in a whole new way.  It's become less of a social struggle, and more a perverse comedy played out in front of my twinkly little toes.

Over the coming weeks, I'll be devoting some hard work and attention (I know, right? Doesn't sound like me), anyways, I'm planning and crossing my fingers that I'll be able to dispel some myths and create some new ones with a series on the individuals that rock my world, night in, night out.