Sexy Santa Stripper's outfit - good or bad this year?

Any stripper worth her salt loves dressing up and the holiday season is, for me, the really exciting time when I dust off my furs and ermine and dress as Santa's little helper for as many shifts in December as I can manage.
You might think that with the current financial climate that a lapdancer should play it safe and stick to black lingerie and the LBD.... WRONG!
Guy's love a woman in a decent santa outfit.  They are all out on their annual Christmas do.  These are guys who visit stripclubs but once or twice a year, they have been drinking all day and are  operating in a pack mentality.  Not a violent, sarcastic pack of men trying to get one up on each other, like you get with Saturday nights stag do's.  No, these guys are going to be loud, drunk, but reasonably well behaved - well their boss is with them, overseeing the proceedings after all!  So wearing something in red or white that the guys can chat and joke over is a great conversation starter and dance getter.
A stripping christmas outfit falls in two camps - the Christmas themed teeny weeny bikini versus the fun cover-up dress.  Here's a picture of a girl in Hooter's - she has found a hotpants and bikini set and stuck tinsel on it.  That still making an effort, although a real stripper wouldn't be likely to wear something so scratchy that you can't pull on or off easily.

Thanks to Stinkie Pinkie at Flickr.

Now I've got a fairly good body which is toned and trim most of the time, but I do tend to over-indulge in the winter months.  I have a few similar versions of this outfit - red and white bikini's with a fur trim, that sort of thing.  They look good with lashings of fake tan and body glitter and lots of spangly diamante jewellery.

However, if I've had too many mince pies or want to look less slutty, more glam - say for a midweek crowd, then it's good to have a proper cover-up dress. Of course I am a lapdancer so my version of a cover up would look something like this;

thanks to photognome at Flickr!

This is a cover up as....

• The stripy stockings mean that I could not shave my legs that day.
• The big belt would hide any mince pie bloating
• The little cape would keep me warm and snuggly - perfect in a nippy stripclub, or as a comfort blanket if I'm working through stripper-flu.
• I'd only need to fake tan my top half. 5 minutes till I'm on stage? no problemo...

So to summarise - get your lapdancer's body into a santa's outfit this week! It may be gloomy weather and economic prospects, but that's why there are beautiful girls on this world ready to take their clothes off and spread their festive cheer!

P.S.  Unless, like me, your co-workers are all wearing bloody Santa's little helper outfits. In which case wear the black lingerie - you will stand out more!

Why do I have such a big stripper outfit wardrobe?

I have a HUGE suitcase under my bed which is filled with all of my old stripper outfits. Like a perverted hoarder, I just can't seem to throw them away.  (To be fair, I'm still the same UK 6/8  that I was when I started).

The reason why lapdancers will have a lot of outfits - anything between 5 and 50 - is not because we are all stereotypical shopping mad women with a lingerie fetish.  (Quite the opposite in fact.  Many dancers will scrimp on their outfits, wearing the same old favourites until they fall apart, and save their earnings for shopping for clothes to wear in the 'real world'.)  We build-up a selection because the rules for what we are allowed to wear are constantly changing.  Yes you heard right - strippers have rules on what is and isn't acceptable to wear in the workplace!!!  Each club will have it's own 'dress code', which covers everything from the shoes on her manicured feet to the type of thong that clings to her pubis.  These rules will get updated (read changed drastically) every year or so for several reasons;

• The girls stretch the rules so that they can reveal as much as possible.  Show me a girl in a floorlength dress and I'lll show you a dress with slits all over and only the thinnest trail of ribbon touching the floor.  Still floorlength!
• The dressmakers that sell directly in the clubs get the rules changed so that most lapdances are forced to buy a different outfit to adhere to the new regulations.  The managers that changed these rules will probably get a cut of this income.
• The boss will see something he really doesn't like and will change the rules to something more draconian in a knee-jerk reaction.  Stripper lore is that Peter Stringfellow once insisted that all girls wore delicate mesh/lacey underwear, till he saw a girl on stage in such a sheer thong that you could see her bits in perfect clarity.  He immediately banned anything that was sheer, so all of his 70+ dancers had to buy new underwear - difficult in London which at the time had nil stripper supply stores.  Annoyingly, the rules were changed back months later.
• A new house mum/manager will start and blitz the girls dress code in an effort to make it more classy/user friendly/inventive/fantasy.

In addition, most dancers will work at a variety of clubs in their dancing career, and need a selection of tempting outfits to accommodate the variance.

Of course, we are girls, and girls can be extremely picky, so even if we buy a new outfit, if it doesn't 'feel or look right' when we are out on the floor, or if it's a nightmare to dance in and take off, then it will get resigned to the bottom of the heap with all the other rejects....  many strippers wear the same dress night after night, buying an identical replacement when it falls apart, as it's the one which works for them!  

I pulled out my suitcase this morning to go through them and see if there was anything that took my fancy for tonight.  I'm surprised by how much fabric my early dancing outfits used to have.  I've obviously got a lot more confident in showing off my body.  Now I'm happy in a little lingerie set with dental floss knickers.

Stripping for Stag Parties

Summer's here, and it calls for a different attitude to dancing.  The hustle is now all about working the busy weekends and large groups of stag parties.
Stag parties roam from day out to pub to stripclub to nightclub then back to stripclub in large groups.  For many it will be their first time; first time meeting the grooms dodgy cousins, first time in a stripclub, first time they have worn a novelty T-shirt with a dumb-ass nickname emblazoned across it's back.
Some stag parties take to strip-clubs like a fish to water, but annoyingly for us dancers. many need a lot more persuading.  Do you know how infuriating it is for a stripper to see a group of 20 guys come in, but then for 19 of them to insist that they are only here for the stag and he will be the only one having dances.  WTF? Suddenly, a group of 20 guys who may have danced with 15-25 different girls becomes a group of noisy, jeering idiots who are happy to watch the free stage show and only dance with the lucky few dancers who get the stag.  I'm telling you now, it can make us so angry - but as any hustler worth her salt will tell you, we have ways of persuading you.

a) Wait till you get drunk.  Even better, persuade everyone that shots are de rigeur on a Saturday night bachelor party.
b) Remind those who don't visit lapdancing establishments that this opportunity to have a hot threesome with Itsy and Bitsy won't happen again for a long time.
c) If they are really, really boring - so dull that it beggars belief that they are calling this a party, then hit them in the man-sized jugular of pride.  Tell them that this is a super-dull bachelor party - and jeez, am I an expert as I've seen so many - and that you and the stag will spend the rest of their lives regretting that they did not pull a Charlie Sheen and spend all night with a pair of tits in their face.  Tell them that the stories down the pub will be short and booed down. Tell them that the best man's speech will be politely clapped.  Tell them that the groom will secretly harbour resentment that he was not dressed up on stage as a nun and whipped with his own belt by some leggy Eastern Europeans and got lost in the VIP. Tell them that if they do not join him in these antics it will make him look like a sex-craved greedy bugger and he will feel lost and alienated at a time which is meant to be showing group solidarity.
d) remind them that this is not as bad as 'The Hangover', but, a true wolf-pack doesn't let a member hunt alone.  They are in this good time together, so let's fucking PARTY!

I love dancing for stag parties.  After a week of hustling suits, Essex boys and various smelly men with dodgy accents, a guy in a dress that is up for it turns me on.  Us lap dancers spend ages choosing, tweaking and putting together our best outfits, so it's great to see men getting in on the act too.
My favourite outfits include;

• Where's Wally
• Cave man
• Roman Centurion (I checked under his skirt for underwear - unfortunately he wasn't commando)
• Guys in drag
• Identical, brightly coloured T-shirts with matching slogans/nicknames - this is because it makes them easy to spot and dance for different members of the group.
• A chicken

As the summer goes on I will be writing several more strip club & stag party posts, plus any uber-interesting adventures that I have with them on their last night of freedom.  I love stripping for stag parties, whether it is taking them for a private lapdance or getting them up on stage and abusing them.    So if you have a stag party coming up, remember to dress up and make sure that the whole wolf pack gets down and dirty with us ladies - it's only one night, and what happen's in the strip club, stays in the strip club!!!

The Standout Slut Outfit

Why look like a slut when you're a dancer? Well, the major problem for a girl trying to attract a guy when standing in a room full of beautiful women is that she is standing in a room full of beautiful women.  Like a peacock with it’s brilliant plumed tail, strippers must find ways to stand out. For times of emergency, break the glass – and pull on your STANDOUT SLUT OUTFIT!!!

A standout slut outfit needs to be composed of two main elements;

It must make a girl stand out from the others

It must scream slutty

The standout slut outfit works a charm if used properly.  You have to be feeling fairly confident and good about yourself or else it can backfire and you will be back to square one in hustling terms. (You don't want to look like a slut if you are feeling crappy - it will screw with your mojo and you will go home feeling cheap and deflated.) It should be used like a little black dress (LBD) – they are both easy choices, with little thought/effort or forward preparation required.  You literally pull it on, and voila! You are ready to go hustle.

For an outfit to stand out, you have to think bright.  A stripper will never be a standout slut if she wears a black lingerie set – that’s the LBD category, and half the girls in the club will be wearing their LBD failsafe on any given night.

White, flouros and glittery numbers work well here.

Lace and fishnet details are great, and helps show a lot of skin.

 An ideal standout slut outfit would be an all white lingerie twopiece with stockings set off against a dirty caramel tan and plenty of bling jewellery

 Or a racy red number covered in Swarvoski crystals, with shiny slick patent shoes or boots, and set off with a feather boa – just totally outrageously slutty, like a street hooker.  

But you have to not only channel the standout slut in your outfit, you have to channel the right kind of attitude to go with it.  Less abused and battered victim, more a ball-breaking, go-getting slut who is reclaiming the word slut and would march at the front of a Toronto Slut Walk.