Showing posts with label sex. Show all posts
Showing posts with label sex. Show all posts

Tuesday, 19 June 2012

Glass Geishas by Susanna Quinn; My Review

Glass Geishas - what a fantastic title.
Geisha are of course the traditional Japanese entertainers, all thick black laquered hair, ivory skin and brightly coloured kimono's, that are a symbol of Japan - and Japanese beauty. But the Glass Geisha in the title are not the precise and careful beauties with many years of training pouring cups of tea.  The Glass Geisha are the wild and crazy hostesses who pour the whisky and keep the salarymen 'genki' (happy) whilst downing glasses full of spirits and mixers that they earn £3.50 comms each on.
How do I know?
Because I was a Roppongi girl once.
I went on dohans, got kickbacks from champagne bars, survived on a diet of booze, strong charcoal cigarettes, sushi and drugs supplied by the club's shadiest customers for a few months in Roppongi, Tokyo's infamous entertainment district.  Like so many other Western girls, we bought a one way ticket and worked through our tourist visa, six days a week, living in cramped accommodation that the locals dubbed 'Pussy Plaza'.
It was awful yet fantastic, but I wouldn't do it again, so I pushed the experience to the back of my mind, not wanting to relive memories which are at times painful and leave me disgusted by the life my naive young self fell into.
Forgotten - until Glass Geishas came along.

I loved reading this book.  The pages flowed like the drinks in the book - page after page just turning through my fingers.  I got it from the book launch, where I was lucky enough to meet the lovely author Susanna Quinn herself, and that was on a Thursday before I went to work at my club nearby.  I started Glass Geishas on my journey home at 5am, and was still reading it in bed as the sun came up.  The images of rain soaked narrow streets and neon lights were too much for me, so I poured myself a gin. And then another. And I laughed and cried and drank more gin until I passed out.
(I'm not recommending that you attempt to read it in this fashion, but it is fun.  Especially if you drink every time they say 'champagne', 'knocked back', 'little glasses of vodka tonic' etc.)
Now for the average reader - girls, you are going to love this book.  It's got a cracking storyline and fantastically detailed description of the strange happenings and secretive world of Tokyo.  Everyone is half-crazy, the industry has turned them into complete alcoholics, and no-one tells the whole story, if they get past lying through their teeth in the first place.
It's written from three points of view - a new girl called Stephanie who is desperate for what she has been told is 'quick and easy' money by her old schoolfriends who are living it up there already - but Julia is distant and weird whilst the other, Annabel, has plum disappeared off the face of the earth, leaving only a diary behind.
The second narrative is based on a cranky Japanese House Mum 'Mama San' who is telling her life story to a Western journo.  She comes out with some real filth on Japanese perversions (actually, the book opens with a shady Rophynol scene, and that's tame compared to what happen's later.)
The third is a string of emails from a hostess who has been there for some time.  I must admit I didn't get this - I thought it clunky and unnecessary, as it was mainly some girl being insecure and moaning about how it was all going downhill.  I suppose that it was included to serve as a reminder of how the hostess industry could really mess with some girls psyches, but then I was half a bottle of gin down at the time and certainly didn't need any reminder of how within a few months I was a shaking alcoholic letting myself get felt up for fifty bucks a song.
Cleverly, this book is not a memoir.  It's a novel.  It has a proper story , with an intriguing beginning, an exciting middle, and a slightly rushed and very neat ending where everything falls into place - hurrah!  In short, the perfect summertime read.  Out of all the books on the entertainment and sex industries that I have read and reviewed, this is one of the freshest and original, and I hope it marks a turn in the tide of the neverending stream of memoirs and now-I've-left-the-industry biographies which is the normal publishing format.
Go buy it.  Glass Geishas ; 356 pages with a gin chaser.  Lovely.

Monday, 14 May 2012

How to pick up a lapdancer


It must be on every man's bucket list to pick up a lapdancer. Hell, I've even met students of The Game and Rules of the Game who bring in their classes to use us girls as target practice.
But how does a guy chat up a stripper? And I don't mean swap numbers and business cards so that she calls you up and gets you to become one of her regulars, or puts you on the club mailing list.
I'm talking about a real life, meet-out-of-the-club scenario, which perhaps progresses to second or third base … or the kind of magical night where you hit a home run and you and the deliciously hot and horny exotic dancer have wild freaky sex all night long...
I've thought about this and have come up with my top ten points and advice on courting a lady of the night...



Firstly, a disclaimer. It is against club policy to date customers, and many clubs don't even like you telling guys your real name or any personal details. So when a lapdancer is 'lying' to you, she is probably just doing it to toe the club line and keep her job.
As a Stripper PUA (Pick.Up.Artist), you should make understanding the dancers situation your bottom line. Would you risk your job to get laid?
Well would you????
So picking up a lapdancer is breaking every rule in the book – so whilst Miss Sassy Lapdancer here does not condone this kind of illicit and exciting scenario, I will offer a few pointers...

  • Be NICE Buy the girl a drink. Give her a few compliments, just casually dropped into the conversation. Look her in the eyes, not stare directly at her tits.
  • Compliments; Here you have to be clever. Some girls have real hang-ups about bits of their bodies, whereas other girls are so used to getting complimented on certain areas that they find it a turn-off. These bodily bits are generally the men's favourite erogenous zones, such as tits, legs and bottoms. On top of this, we fuss about our hair and eyes so much in the changing room that whilst we like getting compliments about our hair and eyes, we may also be expecting it. A clever guy will compliment a girl on a more unusual feature. Personally, I go gooey a la' Fifty Shades of Grey when a man tells me “Don't bite your bottom lip – It's very distracting”.
Try saying that;
a girl's hands look beautiful with her bracelets and rings, that her eyebrows frame her face perfectly, her shoes look great on her legs, her luscious brunette locks remind you of Cheryl Cole/ Kate Middleton. She just blushed a little and it was really sweet, you like the faraway look in her eyes when she discusses holidays, she has a beautiful back. (don't massage it if you are heavy handed though... or drunk. That will just cause me pain and I need my body to work!)
  • Compliment No-No's; Reader's of The Game and Rules of the Game will know all about 'negative' hits – backhanded compliments such as 'your hair is cute, it reminds me of a mullet'. A few of these can be a great way to break the ice and make the conversation funny, but too many and you will seem like a dick. Be nice (see above)
  • Raise your Standards; You are trying to successfully pull a hot, sexy, cool woman who gets chatted up every night, so make sure you fit the bill yourself. Dancer's like hot guys, cool musician types, guys with a decent job and salary, - but the key thing is not to smell, please shave off any extraneous body hair, don't wear dorky clothes, and just exude an air of cool confidence. Most guys I date are people who work late shifts like me – so if you are a bouncer, bartender, or drug dealer reading this, I am sure that you have already dated several strippers. Freelancers, chefs, and people in creative industries are great for dating – if you are a 9-5er, understand that if I go on a date, I may be taking a night off work for you, so make it special.
  • Choose your time carefully Come when it's slow, like a Sunday, Monday or Tuesday shift. Note when the girls change from daytime to evening shift – a hungry day girl may take you up on your offer of dinner when her shift ends. Or have an after-hours party lined up (NOT in your hotel room). Or even better than a party - have an all-night breakfast place lined up.  Any lapdancer worth her salt will be ravenously hungry after dancing for 8 hours for a pack of drooling zombies baying round a stage.
  • Bring a friend If you go to a stripclub on your own, the dancer will see you as a proper perverted punter, or a sad and lonely bugger. I'd bring a friend or two – a wingman, or even better, a wingman AND a wingwoman. Then they can both big you up, and say what a nice guy you are.
  • Can I bring a friend? Look, I'm sure you are not an axe-wielding rapist, but it's still scary meeting up with a guy, especially at 3am in the morning when you have been staring at my naked form all night. So if you invite me on somewhere, expect me to bring company – well at least it will be hot company, as I'll bring one of my fellow dancers. However, if you are inviting me to a club or houseparty, and I bring a waiter or bartender along as part of my entourage, don't moan – just graciously accept it & buy him a beer. If I wanted to sleep with the staff, I would have done it already, capiche?
  • Shooting fish in a barrel It's very hard to chat me up at work. It's hard to chat me up period, because if I like you, I've probably already started initiating a future hook-up before you even know that Cupid's love bolt is heading your way. So if you are the kind of douchebag who wants to chat up a dancer for kicks, stick to the new girls and amateurs, as they will prove less resistant to your charms. If you want to spot a new girl, ask the barstaff, DJ or just watch them on stage – you can spot a new girl from a mile off as their stage-sets are less polished even though you can see she is really trying to appear sexy whilst twiddling round the pole. The old-timers are usually the girls who look really really good, or really, really bored.
  • Have a pen in your pocket. Well, I'm not going to ask a manager or waitress for a biro if I want to give you my number am I, and running off to the changing room isn't an option when another dancer will just swoop into my place as soon as I vacate my seat.
  • Remember this is my JOB and my WORKPLACE I'm not even going to delve into detail on this startling obvious fact, but if I swung by your office and took up all your time chasing your digits, you would find me very annoying....

So there is my advice on successfully chatting up a lapdancer. Memorise and learn from my pearls of exotic dancer wisdom, or cut out and keep this how to ten point plan on pulling a lapdancer.

In my own life, my #dateadancer week has obviously taken longer than a week, but I hope you have been enjoying my posts. I'm finishing off my date a dancer series with 'How to date a dancer' followed by 'How to dump a dancer' – advice there on the full spectrum and love lives of us exotic young ladies. Please look around my blog and check out these posts.
Personally, I have got several dates lined up this week with cute guys, one who is a friend of a friend but two are guys I met in the club (on different nights – I'm not a slag!) I've kissed two of them but haven't seen any sparks fly yet, and haven't had sex for three weeks now, which means I am rule-breakingly horny at work :)

See you in the VIP booth xoxo Sassy


Thursday, 3 May 2012

The difficulties behind chatting up a punter

Our eyes locked.  I was unable to look away.  The music melted away, a soft murmur in the background.  I felt naked. I was naked.
I realised that I hadn't taken a breath for a while. Air came into my lungs, I blinked, suddenly self-concious.
"I...." My lips parted.
His hand softly grabbed mine, and a thrill of electricity ran through me.  I could feel butterflies in my stomach, and I leant in closer, closer, wanting to kiss him.  This man, sat right in front of me.  Why did I find him so attractive, so alluring?
I remembered where I was.
I stopped myself, pulled my wits back around me like a protective security blanket, laughed nervously, and pulled myself back up. As if to break the spell, I tossed my head back and strode seductively to the other side of the booth before finishing the lapdance.

Yes, that really can happen.  I've fallen in love with customers in an instant, felt an erotic thrill whilst dancing for some of the most beautiful men I've ever met, fallen for the charms of men chatting me up over a glass of champagne, the alcohol clouding me till time rushes past in a blur.

All too often though, it doesn't work out.  Say you'd like to meet, and the guy, sensing ulterior motives, invariably asks; "How much?"
For me, this is a total passion killer.  It kills dead my schoolgirl crush.  How can I be infatuated with a man who wants to pay for my feelings - how can he not realise that my feeling are genuine?
I know I'm really, really good at making a man feel special, because that's my job - to propagate a fantasy.  I'm an exotic dancer on paper, but I am an illusionist by trade.
Then there are the times when, naturally, they don't want what I want - a date.  They want me that night - in a hotel room, back at my house (awkward journey that, as I always say I live in a totally different part of London) - back at his place, perhaps his city bolthole where his wife and kids won't see us.
This makes me feel grubby.  Sure, I've had plenty of one night stands - but they are usually after a house party, a chance meeting in a club, when I'm high, drunk and free.
So maybe you meet up and go on a date - then you have to explain all the fantasies that you span on your initial encounter at the stripclub.  No, I'd add 5 years to that age; I'm sorry, I've never really been to teh same ski resort as you; actually, I don't really live in Chelsea - haven't been there in months, but I do love the TV show....
Of course there is the presumption that you do this all the time, you must be such a slut, taking full advantage of the conveyor belt of eligible bachelors that walk into your life night after night.  You are a guarenteed shag, tons of notches on your bedpost.  You get chatted up all the time, right? (Actually, this is true - most times I leave the house I'll get admiring glasses, but that doesn't mean I follow them all through.)

So, dear readers, next time you are in a club, and that curvy beauty with chocolate eyes to die in holds your hand and whispers that she hopes you don't leave her side for a moment that evening, that she wished the night could last forever - who knows, it may be true!
Or she might just want another hour in the VIP......

Wednesday, 27 July 2011

Hypnotising a stripper

I was hypnotised by a man today. He was French,older, and stank of sexual experience and allure. He had  an air of danger about him, a knowing smirk to his smile - like Vincent Cassell playing a playboy baddie in oceans 13. 
He approached me whilst I was sitting alone at the bar after just being rejected. It was a slow Tuesday, and I'd had a long and bad day. The fatalist in me had won, and I had just sat down, alone, composing my thoughts that it was not my fault that the previous customer had decided to dance alone with my friend not the two of us. Her apologetic shrugg as she walked off with me said it all ; "couldnt be helped,just the way things are sometimes".
As I sat there, a man - handsome and debonair, had sat down in the seat next to me. "may I?"then moments later he pressed a twenty into my hand." this is for you- just a little something for being so lovely"
We talked, he was a smooth operator and I was falling for his charms.  He spoke of sex, true sex thats built on trust and goes anywhere, does anything.  At one point he grabbed the top of my head with a single hand, his thumb pressing on my top chakra, and made me stare deeply into his eyes. Im sure he hypnotised me, because in that moment i wanted him more than anything else in the world.
We didnt do any dances, he simply tipped me twice more and left before id finished my glass.
I'll go to sleep and dream of him tonight, what could have been, that's for sure....

Saturday, 23 July 2011

Sex life advice from Stripper Mum

Stripper Mum and I (yes, I know I wrote a post on stripper stereotypes based around stripper mums, and this yummy mummy was my main influence - these people do exist. This isn't a made-up blog written by a balding 40-something in Kentucky, you know. Luckily, this stripper mum is happily shacked-up with the baby daddy, but she still rocks a body like a porn star.  ).  Anyhow, Stripper Mum and I were chatting away the other day as we waited for the club to fill up, sipping away at a glass of wine to get us in the mood.  As it was a slow start to the night, we ended up talking for over an hour and she came out with some super funny shit.

"so when i was pregnant, I was so fat that I couldn't even get down there. I've never been so hairy in my life, but at least I couldn't see the swollen hairy jungle between my legs. You can sort of scrape it, but it's dangerous to be using a razor blade near your baby bump, ya' know?  And you can't manoeuver a dick there either.  My husband, bless him, must have got so horny.  At first you stop having sex, because you are are so big, it's hard to balance, and you are worried about hurting the baby.  So I started giving him blowjobs, but soon they had to stop, because I just couldn't balance myself and have a cock in my mouth at the same time.  The bump was in the way whatever I tried. The last few months of my pregnancy I was wanking him off, and it was so fucking boring.  Up down, up down, I used to stick porn on and fastforward to the cum shots so that he would hurry up."
I laughed at stripper mum, "I get so bored wanking people off sometimes.  I think oh, whats on the telly, or I forgot to buy any milk."
"Nah, it wasn't like that.  I wanted to have it off with him. It was boring because that was literally the only thing we could fucking do.  We'd both be horny, and it was like, oh, what can we do now? Oh yeah, I've ballooned like a whale and can only use my hands.  Even after I'd had the baby I was still all fat - took ages to get our sex life back."

Thursday, 21 July 2011

It's my time of the month - to make money!

You would be forgiven for thinking that when a lapdancer has her time of the month that she takes a few days off work - after all, we are getting our pussies out.

Well you'd be wrong.

Getting a period is good for business!

My tits swell up like juicy soft melons. The water bloating just makes my full ass sexier - unlike jeans, tummy rolls can be carried off with aplomb in the right lingerie.
Weirdly, the men seem to sense it - I must be emitting some sort of sexual pheromone, because my takings are always up when I'm on. Other dancers have corroborated this with me so it's not like I'm talking like a weird freak here.
Mood swings happen so often in the stripclub world that they don't seem unusual to my fellow staff.

And what do we do with the string? Tuck it up us, of course, and be sure to check and change regularly!

Monday, 22 March 2010

5am breakfast

I just ate a massive jacket potato with chilli AND baked beans AND cheese. At practically 5am, in a sleazy soho diner full of bitchy gay boys.  It was not the most pleasant or salubrious of dining experiences, I'm teeling you.  Am now sitting in bed, farting copiusly, and had to run to the toilet when the taxi finally dropped me back home.

And did I make a decent amount of dosh tonight? Enough, say, to pay my rent or organise my birthday party, which is meant to be this friday?

No.  Of coursenot.  But it seems that all my friends did, and do, frequently, so it begs the question?  Whats wrong with me?

I know the answer.  I'm not pushy enough, and I take my eye off the ball, and trust too much that the customers will tip me adequately, rather than badgering them till they do shove the money into my palm, and then badgering them again, minutes later, till they do it again.

Better get those sales tips and self help books out again....!

Tuesday, 16 March 2010

Dazed and confused

I will always argue that my work persona - the girlwho is the stage name rather than the girlwho hides behind it - does not affect me oin a day to day reality basis.
But then I have a normal night, and the gulf that lies between me and us seems to be a bit more flexible.
I hang out with a load of old pals, for the past decade or so, and yet I feel detached.  My behaviour, my clothing, my points of conversationalreference just seem off .
F***knows why, darlings....
 
The worst thing that this job has ever given me is a serial short term memory.
It's either because;


a)  I want to forget (sorry to convention, but thats just not true.  I long to recall in HD detail)

b) The drinking, the drugs, the partying, the grooving and the talking, endlessly night after night, have rewired my barin till its all one big blur)

So anyway, why do I feel left out?
Even amongst old friends, a shadow of my former self?

I will tell you why,    it's beause, earnings wise, I am simply a shadow.

I am on the breadline compared to the financial freedom I enjoyed until even just a few months ago.

At first I was afraid, I thought it was me - I was too fat, too blonde, my hair was all wrong, my outfits were like a sack of potatoes.

But tonight I shared my problems, and an old, bestest friend of mine pointed out -

"It's not just you - the whole world's in trouble"

So next time you hear me complaining, just remind me of today's post!!

An epic 5 day week for zilch...

Ok, so I know what your thinking - 5 days of work a week? Absolutely no sweat.

Yeah well, I've had 'normal' jobs, and 5 days did drag on, but in a totally different way. 

normal - you wake up early, but get home at a decent enough time to visit the pub and watch decent telly.
stripping - you crawl fuzzy headed outa bed at midday, the pubs full of losers and all you mates are at work till....

n -  ...till  its 6pm, when your pals begin arriving home
s - ....just as your leaving for work

n - you get paid a wage, day in, day out
s - you pay the club - anything from £40 to £100 a shift !!!

n - its 9am to 5pm
s - its 8pm to 5am

So ok, I am feeling kinda sorry for myself, which is why I haven't written much recently.  This has been the hardest month, money wise, that I have had in a 7 year career of stripping.  The money has just been painfully crap, I feel fat, the hairdresser did a really dodgy job on my highlights, and the sun only started to come out yesterday.

There haven't even been any sexy customers coming in.  I usually can find one or two semi-attractive, or friendly guys, just so that I can have a little flirt and get my game on before running round the rest of the club, letting those pheromones waft over all the other customers.  So yes, lapdancers do find some of you guys cute!! 

(still no sex in the champagne room though, sorry)

However, there is light at the end of the tunnel.  I know this sounds WRONG, seeing as I am a twentysomething lady who has taken her clothes off in front of half the local male population, but recently the local university students seem to be coming in, and well, they can be really hot.  Really, really hot, and they get so excited by us girls, and you can just sense that young teenage lust oozing out of their every pore, especially for their favourite dancers.....

So, Jacob, that young aussie in a checked shirt who had cheekbones to die for, and a nice little packed out chest on him - I rubbed up against it for the whole of our (longer than usual) dance..... come back sometime and say hello to me   .......

Tuesday, 9 March 2010

Monday night blues

hard Hustling work, thats what monday was about

Christ i felt good bringing home a measly hundred quid - i worked my butt off for every penny of that you see,  and sometimes you have to be glad that you came home with anything at all !!!!

am going to read my stripper sales literature today to get my game head on... it feels like it'll be a long week, the kinda week i will really need all the help i can get.....

Saturday, 6 March 2010

Scary John takes his clothes off

How drunk would a customer have to be in a lapdancing club to pull his trousers down, wave his willy about and ask for sex, or a handjob, or a spanking - or all of the above.
God it was embarrassing, and the only good thing to come out of it was the opportunity to nip home early.  It was a horribly slow night and i told my boss that i was very upset by the whole situation.....

But the worst thing of all was that he grabbed my wrist and I had to hit him with my handbag to get him off me.  Unfortunately I'm not living in a Soprano's episode, so the bouncers can't kick his face in.  Not that I condone violence, but its a real shame that they can't be a little more agressive sometimes, especially when someones have been a dick to me.

Oh, and who watches the cameras in the private dance booths - every bloody manager and security heavy in the club,  but only when there is a funny bit like that guy mooning at me, his white ass cheeks flashing in the video.  Another dancer did a spectacular banana skin style slip onto her bum whilst in the VIP, and they rewound it over and over in the back room, and teased the poor essex lass mercilessly for a week.....

Tuesday, 2 March 2010

Two last nights in a row!

When it rains, it pours....

There I was, sat in a quiet pub, busily reading in a last minute ditch attempt to finish my book club book 'Hard-Boiled Wonderland and the End of the World' by Haruki Murakami, and I was doing really well.

Really, really well....

I'd started the 400 pages exactly tome that lunchtime, and I was already a good half of the way through - right at the intriguing unicorn skull mystery, to be precise.

Then my phone rang - and I ignored it. Who wants to delve into the bottom of a bottomless handbag when they are deeply absorbed by a wonderful piece of fiction?

Then, a minute later, my phone rang again...

Insistent bugger, i thought, may be something important - or fun! or exciting! or my fucking stalker (more on him in another blog post), and wearily reached for my bag.

In fact, the two phone calls, so close together, was just a freak occurrence, as I found out later, but boy! was it worth picking up the phone!

It was only my pal, an ol'lapdancer pal of mine who is now a primary school teacher (I know, how cute...) with a free spare ticket for Mika's last London show - tonight, in an hour and a half. Could I be at Hammersmith Apollo in an hours time?

Course I fuckin' could!!

I jumped out of bed and shoved my hair in hot rollers - the previous nights burlesque antics had got me all vintage. I pulled on one dress - a leopard print rock n roll number, and began mixing up the perfect shade of Bare Essentials mineral foundation - the only thing for non-club wear. My eyebrows were a pain, as most of my proper make-up is in my locker at the club, but I managed to make do, just about. I stared at the time - ten minutes more, max. I stared at me - the wrong dress, it was all wrong. I pulled out another dress from the closet and slipped into a pair of heels, hanging it in front of me. Still the mirror said no. I pulled out another, a little Yellow limited edition number from Kate Mosses first topshop collection ( saw Selma Blair wearing the common white version a few weeks after buying it in a style mag n thought, Ha! mines better, n more unique to boot, so there HOllywood) But that meant changing the bra for a strapless version, and an underskirt to make it puff out, retro style - finally I was bloody dressed. I pulled the rollers out, spritzed the whole thing with hairspray quickly, and shoved a load of kirby grips in my bag - I can do that on the tube. Then I threw some eyeshadows and blusher inmy handbag - Mac, naturallement, and practically ran out of my house. Despite my best efforts, I knew I was still going to be late.

Still I got there, only half hour late and WOW what a show. I knew I loved Mika anyway, as I play his first album, life in cartoon motion, all the time - its such happy music... and it was great to be able to sing along to all the songs like a complete teenage saddo. Or teenage Wannabe now, seeing as I am in my twenties...and take my clothes off for a living...

Monday, 1 March 2010

Miss Polly Rae Burlesque Show

Bless Mothers...

Mine knows all about me being a lapdancer - in fact, so does my dad ( but I would never tell my Granny ), and so she booked a couple of tickets to see the last night of 'Miss Polly Rae and her Hurly Burly Girlys' in Leicester Square. She guessed it would be right up my street, and boy, was she right!

The show was fantastic, with amazing costumes and set design. She opened the show with a revised Madonna tune ( I think, my music memory is awful) whilst wearing a really sexy Mother Superior nuns habit. Her hat was a big white affair, like one of those Provencal nuns you see in old french impressionists paintings.

Apparently the team behind her was Kylie Minogues Creative Director etc, and the whole affair was so well cheroegraphed and slick, with such a fast pace and total ingenuity. I would love to be a burlesque dancer, and have decided to get a pal to take some burlesque style photos of me. Look out for some shots coming soon.....

She did a fan dance and it was one of the most beautiful things I have ever seen. I am going to have to ebay me some of those fans. Then again, my flat is becoming cluttered with past dreams and aspirations - I have a pole ( £150) gathering dust, as I still can't be asked to put it up in the living room as it takes up too much space, and a Hula Hoop (£20) stacked in another corner.

Ahhh, forgotten dreams.

Still though, a photoshoot would only be a short term affair, rather than a long-term commitment, and it would be so much fun....

Sunday, 28 February 2010

There is SUCH a point in being a lapdancer!

As I sit here, enjoying a glass of Terraza de los Andes Reserva Malbec 2007, and nibbling on multicoloured Japanese rice crackers, looking around at my nice flat and the bulging bag of cash that I earnt on Friday night, I can hold my hand up and say;

"It's fucking great being a lapdancer!"

See, it's been tough since this credit crunch happened, and I've had to go into work more often than usual, and rein back some of my spending habits. Not as bad as some, but it's still never a nice feeling, is it?

Thats why last Friday was AWESOME - the club was so packed it was like shooting fish in a barrel. I didn't get one sitdown - I got TWO !! And the dances didn't stop coming....

In fact it was so busy, I felt like I had done a million aerobic workouts, so gorged on Macaroni Cheese when I got home at 5am, and then met some pals at lunchtime on Saturday for a big greasy-spoon fryup. Imagine, health freak readers, slodgy carbs and tons of grease at the worst possible time of the day times two!!!

I'm going to pray that this trend of a busy, happy lapdancing club continues so that I can pay off all these debts I've accumulated..... Fingers crossed xxx

Monday, 22 February 2010

Is the Year of the Tiger going to be my year?

So it was the year of the tiger today, or at least I thought it was. I ended up arguing with some Czech girl whether it was today - Sunday 20th Feb - or last week. I'm English and shes Czechslovakian, she wwears a wig and I'm a bottle blonde, so neither of us knew anything really.....

Still, any excuse for a pary, hey?

So there I was, prancing around the club, prowling for customers I could sink my claws into, figuring that this was the night when I made my rent - which is ohhhh 2 days late now - and how did I do?

Even worse, worser, worsest, than my usual Sunday night.

This tiger cub ended up leaving with her tail between her legs and catching the nightbus home in the rain. Hmph, highly glamorous.

Tuesday, 2 February 2010

Shopping List

ooohhhh it's all the lovely sexy things i want to wear and play with....
Shopping List

i spin around a pole and break my nose

I love my job, i really do......

but there are certain things, and certain nights, that really really get on my tits

like customers with haliotosis
like the security guys that become managers
like the skinnier girls
like the commission for just breathing, let alone taking my clothes off
like the ones that don't spend money on my hard - yes hrad - put the hours in work
like the ones that argue about the money like it should be a gift
like the times i can't have pudding because i have to watch my weight
or my skin
or my hair
or whatever piece of crap people fancy today

Today I span around the pole about a million times, then just when i was leaving for the changing room, some dumb idiot of a girl didn't hold the door open and it slammed into mine and our managers face. Yes. Very dumb.
But she didn't even say sorry, she just walked.
And it didn't hit the manager, just me. Right in the bridge. Big red lump.

Great, thats another few days of sitting at home unpaid for me then.....

and no, I don't have savings, I don't earn more than you, and I'm not blessed...
I get it when I can, I spend it when I can, and it infringes on every physical and emotional part of my being....

why do I do it?
Hell I dunno, why do you do your job, huh?