Saturday, 28 April 2012

10 things you never knew about dating a lapdancer

So you want to date an exotic dancer? Or perhaps you've been luckily enough to successfully chat up a stripper - well here are my top ten strange but true facts that you should expect as a lapdancer's plus one.
How did I compile my list of things you never knew about being in a relationship with a beautiful and alluring lady of the night? Well firstly, I've had boyfriends whilst working as a lapdancer, and secondly - I'm a girl working with lots of other girls. What do you think we gossip about on a slow night? Men, sex & shopping. Of course.  Seeing as I've designated this week 'date a dancer' week, I called up a few colleagues and quizzed them on their love lives. It was certainly a fun way to spend my rainy Saturday!!!


  1. We'll always be late.  Especially on date  nights. If you are waiting for us to get ready, I suggest grabbing another beer and settling down on the sofa, as we will faff for at least another half hour.
  2. After sex we look like Worzel Gummidge - less bed head hair, more complete tangled mop a foot high.  This is because we pile so much hairspray into our curls and backcomb the hell out of our crown that the moment it experiences some serious bedroom friction, it turns our Rapunzel locks into fuzzy felt.  On that note, don't pull on our hair during sex either.  You will damage my £700 hair extensions and risk a sex ban for eternity (or till I'm next horny).
  3. Just because we are super sexy and horny at work, doesn't mean that we take that attitude home to you every night.  The last thing a lapdancer wants to do when she gets home at 4am is a porn show. She wants a cup of tea and a spliff with a slice of leftover pizza and a nice cuddle please....
  4. ....Unless she has had a really good night. You see her stagger in clutching a garter full of crumpled notes then you are guaranteed to get laid - she's probably kept her stockings on under that Juicy Couture tracksuit.  And being asleep/having an early start/snoring won't stop her... you're going to get raped by a drunken young lady high on tequila and hard cash, you lucky boy.
  5. The saucy striptease I give you at home is not the same as the lapdances I give at work.  There is no pole, no touching and besides the sofa at home is too low to really give the same bump and grind effect.  Which one is better? Errrr.... probably the ones with you, unless I'm day-dreaming about being spoilt rotten by a dirty pervert. BUT!  Just because I have fantasies about work does not mean that I actually live them out. I fantasise about firemen too but I'm not about to burn the house down, am I?
  6. We have really, really hot friends who are way louder and energetic than your average girl.  It can be intimidating when in public en masse so contrary to your first thoughhts, you may decide not to introduce all of your uni chums to these girls - yes that Brazilian beauty I've taken under my wing is definitately a train wreck waiting to happen that you should not inflict on poor Jeff.  And no, you are not going to fulfil your college fantasy of a stripper threesome. Just because I work in the sex industry does not mean that it's OK to shag my friends!
  7. You're bathroom will look like it's been infested by an invasion of hairy spiders.  No, not my shaved body hair - a decent dancer would never let it grow that long! It's a million pairs of fake lashes, and you're not allowed to squish them or flush them away, as they cost £5 a pop and I can reuse them - if I ever remember to take them home that is....
  8. If you want to get in a stripper's good books then rub her feet or give her a nice oily massage right across those shoulders or tight butt cheeks.  Not only will it be fun massaging her derriere but it's also the spot where a lot of tension caused by high heels is stored.  Her aching body will be so grateful that  she'll probably roll over and let you take the pic of any hole you please.  Probably.
  9. She'll look so hot when she comes back after a shift that your cock may spontaneously combust - but during the day she'll live in Ugg boots and tracksuits, like she's pernamently going to a gym class. That's if she get's out of her pajama's, which really isn't  necessary till she goes to work at 7pm in the evening.  Expect to come home from work and find her still in her PJ's. He'', I even go to the shop in mine somedays!!!
  10. Finally, we may be beautiful but we are probably insecure, so need daily compliments and please tell us how sexy/funny/brilliant we are - whether we are stepping out of the shower or comatose on a sofa.   A few sweet deeds and presents won't go awry either - I'll be talking about you with the girls in the changing room anyway, so why not encourage a bit of boasting instead of the usual moans?
So that's my top ten unusual home truths about dating some of the hottest, funniest, craziest and most openly passionate women on the planet.  You've got no excuse now boys.....

How to date a stripper

What's it like dating a dancer like me?

Amazeballs! Totes Fabulous Sweedie...... Ok, so I'm biased.

So when I wanted to find out what it's like to date a lapdancer, I went and asked a guy who's been there/done that, and can provide some perspective from a man's point of view.

One of my readers obliged, thank god, although I may bite the bullet and interview one of my ex-boyfriends (one day, when I grow some balls).

'Rob' has been with his partner for 4 years. She has been dancing in UK for 2 years.  They live together in London, where he has a normal job whilst his girlfriend dances.

She works at various clubs in London and surrounds. Rob explained "Employment wise they are quite good but before they were terrible. As she is from the developing world, employment rights arent high on her list of needs. That part is my imput.

Best Bit About being with a stripper

1 Shes obviously hot

2 She stays hot as her job is physical

3 The peace and quiet / independence of free weekends

4 That she earns very good money, in cash

Worst Parts about being with a Lapdancer

1 Constantly hearing "xxx made twice as much, am I ugly"

2 Being alone going to bed every night

3 Lying to your family / friends about what she does. (Im a good liar though so its not that big an issue)

4 The employment rights, which are appaling

Do you go to Lapdancing Clubs?

In the UK, on stag dos only. Its too expensive in the UK and I know too much. Overseas, yes.

I believe Im more lapdancing experienced than most men (i would be a wallet watcher in your terminology)

Was your girlfriend a lapdancer when you met her?


Would you describe yourself as jealous?

No. If you are jealous then I dont think a stripper is the best choice of girlfriend

Does she have sex with customers?

No, but she constantly moans that men ask her all the time.

She also tells me about colleagues who are "dirty", or girls "who must be dirty as they are so ugly/ fat"

How do you know she isnt lying to you?

I trust her, and shes rubbish at lying.
Sassy's note; I'm unbelievably crap at lying to boyfriends, friends and family, although ironically I am way above average when it comes to lying to strangers and punters. When I am in the club, I could lie for Britain!!!

What do you think about when she is at work?

Whatever I'm doing. I genuinely don't think about what she is doing.
Are you worried about safety?

Clubs seem very safe, she isn't worried. Security is strong, she has a regular taxi driver and never says anything about danger at work
You're with a lapdancer, your sex life must be amazing?

erm no, when you work in the sex industry you dont bring it home. I understand that and make concessions.

I'm not with her for the sex.

Do you get to meet her friends?

Sometimes, I give them lifts and maybe meet for a coffee to ask things.

She does have hot friends, but when I see them they are tired and in normal clothes. Most strippers dont walk down the street in fur coats, stockings and high heels.

What does she say about her work?

Mostly its busy / quiet, or moaning about wankers / being happy about customers who have lots of dances, or telling me something funny that happened, or what other girls have said. She is constantly surprised by things the Brazilian or East European girls say
Does she ever tell you about good looking customers?

Occasionally, if a young lad comes in who fits her type. She will tell me he was hot, and how much money he gave her, if he smelled nice and ask me why he goes lapdancing. Shes not with me for my looks btw.

Has she ever danced for girls?

Yes, but she didnt tell me as much detail about that as I hoped
What do you think about her regular customers?

I am happy for them that they like my girlfriend, they have good taste. I'm also happy that they give her lots of money for not doing very much other than talk to them. Most of them seem to treat her as a surrogate girlfriend / wife and just like the company of a pretty young girl. If I was them I would find a more rewarding solution to my problem, but each to their own.
I have texted them for her, or helped her with answers when they text. I wasn't happy about them giving her her number at the start, but its in my name so I'm not worried.

How could your life as a lapdancer boyfriend be improved?

More daytime dancing and less nights

Always that my gf would be the prettiest & highest earning girl in every club

A semblance of employment rights for strippers

That all customers would be generous when sober

Free dances from her friends reciprocated amongst all boyfriends

What advice would you give punters who want to go out with a lapdancer?

Treat the girls as normal girls, not charity cases or reprobates in need of reform

Be normal and 2 of these 4 things - good looking, smart, nice smelling, generous / and or nice

Never be drunk, boring, lecherous or obnoxious

Remember that money is only wages to the girls. If your going to try to impress by being rich, you had better be filthy rich.

How would you pull a lapdancer?

If you really like a girl, note when the girls are busy and not busy. She might like you, but if theres money to be made and you're not giving it her then she needs to get on with her job. If its quiet, there's no dances to be had, and you're good company and a little bit generous then who knows?

Dont assume she will sleep with you just because of her job.

Always pay for dances.

And finally, if she asks you for money for anything other than a dances, she isn't interested.
What advice would you give a stripper boyfriend?

Always be open and ask as many question as you need to trust your partner

Never go and watch her dance, just as you wouldn't expect your partner to come and watch you work

Be understanding that its a dirty job, and that she needs support about her looks / personality.

Learn to sleep with earplugs so she doesnt wake you up when she comes in at daft oclock

Pick 1 lie and stick to it regards her employment.

Wednesday, 25 April 2012

Even the most confident lapdancer gets nervous on a first date

I've got first date nerves. I don't know when I last went on a date after simply swapping numbers. My modus operandi is usually drink,pull,shagfest and get to know each other after whilst nursing a killer hangover. But I met this guy whilst sober, I haven't kissed him,shagged him - barely even a touch. We did flirt a lot though. Oh yeah, & he's seen me in my birthday suit. Yep, you guessed it - I met him at the club. I get chatted up frequently but this is the first time I've texted them the next day - and I ASKED HIM OUT!!! See guys, all you dreamers out there who have fuck/date/snog/marry a hot stripper on your bucket list - dreams can come true... In honor of this momentous and very scary occasion - I'm literally so nervous I may have to start biting my manicured talons - I'm going to make the next seven days 'Date a Dancer' week on my blog. I'll be posting dating related posts on this blog on a daily basis. As well as reminiscing about my own dating disasters and triumphs as a lapdancer, I'm also going to provide some tips on how to cope in the dating meat market, pulling a stripper, and top tips on how to keep a happy & fulfilling dancer/non-industry duo alive. Plus I've also interviewed some guys - friends and exes of my own as well as a reader of this sassy lapdancer diary who has several years experience. Now doesn't that sound awesome! I'm going to go stare at my wardrobe now. Over 60 dresses in my collection but none of them seem right what with the torrential rain outside that's been battering London all bloody day. Wear jeans & risk a muffin top (yeah even girls with a 25" waist get em). I guess wellies and a Mac.... Joking!! Fingers crossed that my nerves subside and I pick the right outfit for a snog later...

Thursday, 19 April 2012

How to choose the perfect stripper shoe

A girl always needs the perfect shoes to go with her outfit, right?  And if that girl is a lapdancer, the right shoes to strip in are even more crucial. 
A lapdancer wears heels so that she can;
  1. Look men standing by the bar right in the eye when they are hustling for dances.
  2. Command presence on stage & use the shoe as an aid to climb the pole.
  3. Feel sexy! These are high, HIGH heels!!! Shiny, glittery, flashing....
A typical shift can be around 8 to 9 hours long, with maybe 4 to 7 shows on stage, each lasting 2 or 3 songs, plus running around from punter to punter, plus all those lapdances that a girl will be doing for them.  If I look at my stripper diaries there have been nights when I come home and my feet are swollen, raw, and in severe pain and blood from sores have dripped onto my garter, staining the folded twenty pound notes with drops of red blood and sweat.
I thought I would write this post so that other dancers or women who are curious about stripping would get some advice and not repeat my painful mistakes.
In this blog post I will be recommending some great high heeled shoes you can wear as a lapdancer and discusss the pro's and con's of each shoe style.
***IMPORTANT; when buying stripper shoe sizes, it's best to buy a 1/2 size UP as they are very tight fitting.  Remember that many Stripper Shoe companies are American; with USA Sizes, add 2 to the UK Size. I am a UK Size 4, but buy a Size 6/6.5 Pleaser shoe and get them shipped over if necessary***** 

A pair of black,shiny patent heels can be perfect for elongating your legs and coming across all sexy. 

These shoes have the added advantage of going with most outfits, they have a concealed platform so give you height without looking too clunky.  Because they have a closed toe, it doesn't matter if you forgot to top up your pedicure, however, be careful that the shoe does not crush your toes!
These are the regulation 6 inch heel, which is the standard size for lapdancing shoes.  Brave and experienced dancers often wear an 8 inch heel, whilst taller dancers can get away with a four inch, lower heel.  The different heel sizes really do make a difference - a four inch heel is about the same height as a pack of cigarettes, whilst an eight inch heel is the same height as a paperback book!

Compare these two shoes with the black 6" heels above.
Here is a sexy 4" shoe, with a nice zipper detail running up the back of the ankle, that would mostly be worn by a lapdancer above 5"7 in height. Remember dancers need height so that they can look men in the eye and command presence on stage shows.

These are some lovely 8" heels which I bought last year.  I found them very good for stamping around the stage, and they made a great THUMP when I slid down the pole and landed with my feet squarely on the stage.  This is a good trick for a dancer to get everyone's attention, and look at her whilst she is doing her stage show.
However, a word of warning - they have no ankle support and are very, very high, so probably not the best pair to buy if you are a newbie.
If you are a girl who wants to get into lapdancing, and want an entry-level stripping shoe, this is what I would recommend - a pair of 6" heels by Pleaser, who are a very good dancer brand.  They build their shoes to last, and have a strong metal support running through the heel so that the heel doesn't break even if you are battering them whilst doing pole tricks, dancing on a marble floored stage, dancing on beer-soaked carpets, spilling drinks all over them, kicking them into corners of the changing room - basically a lapdancer's shoes will get damaged and abused, so it's best to buy pairs and brands that last, unless you have spotted a paticular style to go with a new fantasy outfit.
Just as Kate Middleton loves nude court shoes by LK Bennett, a lapdancer loves clear perspex from Pleaser with a 6 inch heel;

A clear shoe will go with EVERY outfit, but remember to clean them with wet wipes as they will build up dirt and crud which is a pain to wipe off once the smears are dried. 
Here is a fantastic pair in black that I have bought and worn reguarly before - they provide plenty of support and the openess of the shoe style means that there is lots of room for my feet to breathe and swell after a busy shift.

Finally, these are my dream lapdancing shoes.  Covered in shiny diamante that glints under the stage lights, elegant straps and heel, and super clear perspex to make my faketanned legs look a mile long....

 I bought an identical pair for the opening of a new stripclub that I worked at and they made me feel like a princess and were super-comfortable and easy to dance in, even for new shoes.  I also had a really good couple of nights, so I now consider them my 'lucky' pair!!

Why not click on the links and buy a pair for yourself today???

Enjoy Stripping..... xxoxo Sassy & her battered tootsies

Tuesday, 17 April 2012

Why it's hard to give a really fat guy a lapdance

Last Saturday night, I met a Spanish guy.  Now usually I find El Latino's really, really sexy, but this one wasn't your typical Adonis.  He was short - probably about 5"6. He was balding, and it was really obvious because he had the typical dark black Spanish hair, but atop an incredibly sweaty and shiny bald pate.  He didn't speak much English, so we spoke in my pidgin Spanglish. 
He was also really, really fat.  So fat indeed that he resembled a bowling ball.  I wanted to roll him onto his side and roll him up and down the stage doing circus tricks like this;

Unfortunately stripclub regualtions do not allow me to bounce up and down and roll portly punters whilst I wear my biggest Showgirl smile.
Even more unfortunately this image came into mind whilst I was giving Mr. Madrid a lapdance and I wanted to giggle so bad  I had to bite my bottom lip.
When you give a guy with a big pot belly a dance it's best to have him leaning against a wall, rail, or seat with a high back, as a stripper will have to reach higher and further than usual if she wants to stick her tits in his face.  This is the standard lapdancing move that every guy wants so you may as well make it easier if you can.  Note that the belly may get in the way if you try and grind him as well.  Now this extra cushiony bit will feel great on your bottom but not so good for the guy who is desperately panting for something - anything - to brush up against his cock.  So lets say that you try wiggling a little bit closer, really sitting on his lap - a word of warning, don't forget about his belt-buckle! They are sharp, pointy, and can easily scratch a girls bottom. Just because it's out of sight doesn't mean it should be out of mind.  A lapdancer doesn't want to get injured or scarred on her prize asset for a twenty!!!

So in sum. If you are giving a guy with a flabby, round, swollen or just plain big belly the lapdance of his life, don't giggle, and don't forget his belt buckle, cleverly hidden underneath those rolls.....

Wednesday, 11 April 2012

Independent article on the human cost of lapdancing

Great piece appeared in the Indy today in lapdancing and how the stripclubs themselves are squeezing more money from us dancers than ever before.
You can find read it here
Basically the Independent - great paper in the UK btw, very non- partisan, interesting & informed journalists mostly - anyway, they've interviewed a bunch of lapdancers & gathered their thoughts to see if it supports a recent study by the University of Leeds. They also published a thought-provoking study last year that alleged that 1 in 3 lapdancers had a university degree. Great, so I'm not one of a kind - I'm a one in three kinda gal.
I was contacted by one if their researchers (nice intern job if you can get it!) and was really pleased to be asked such frank and sensible questions, rather than the usual crap - I wish people would just get over me being a career stripper. I gave up working in the city for this!!!
I'd highly recommend looking at the article on "the human cost of the UK's £300m lapdancing addiction" because it's pretty interesting reading and also is very sympathetic to the plight of lapdancers, which is a 'forgotten' and hush-hush stigmatized industry still, despite it's size & international reach. Here's the piece again

Here is my posted disqus comments;

Double dance

I think I need to work on my girl on girl action.  I mean, I'm pretty good at it.  I like women, work with lots of sexy women, and am generally cheeky and flirty with anyone, regardless of sex, colour or age.  I'll pop into the shop and flirt with the girl, I'll flirt with the milkman, and goddamit, I'll definately flirt with the girl I've just been paid to dance with.
But I saw two girls dancing in the booth next to me last night, and WOW! They had it down. Not in a pornographic 'lesbian filth shocker' way, but in a totally smooth, sexy, almost balletic way.
Turns out one of them IS a ballet-dancer, which is probably why she was able to pull and stretch and wrap her legs around the other stretchy, twisting beauty from Romania.  I was watching their show out of the corner of my eye, through a booth divider, whilst giving a guy a lapdance.  Surely multitasking in action.  But I can get easily distracted whilst giving a lapdance.  I'm dancing to the beat, pulling my straps down, fluttering my eyelashes and projecting a coy nymphette, but really my mind, and sometimes my eyes, are somewhere else entirely.  Readers of my byeline know that this is often cheese on toast and horlicks as I am bored to death of drinking multicoloured alco fizz with ice in the glass eight hours a night, four nights a week.  What I would do for a hot milky drink by 2am most nights!
But I digress.  I was discussing double dances.
A double dance is when two girls dance for one guy, similtaneously.  Depending on the club proprieters rules they may or may not interact.  However, being good little hustling Queens, we will always tell the punter that it will be a lesbian show, girl on girl, on you, over you, in your face whilst you just relax, sit back, and enjoy all the attention.  Four titties, two sweet pussies, two arses jiggling in your face! Who said blondes can't count?
More important than the club rules for the level of action you are going to get is whether the two dancers know each other.  I've danced with girls I've barely met in the changing room, as well as with girls I absolutely hate.  Now that's awkward.
So if you have a double-dance from two lapdancers who spend most of the song swaying on opposite sides of the booth, equally glowering at each other or trying to push each other out of the way as tehy shove tits in your face, then sorry mate.  You've chosen wrongly.  Always, Always, go for personalities rather than looks if you want the best bang for your buck.
Till then, I'm gonna do a spot of bendy yoga and jump in a warm bath.   May as well warm up the old bones for tonight's shift - who know's what it may bring?!!

Monday, 9 April 2012

Dancing for the muscle-heads

Amongst the guys I know outside work, I have to admit I don't know too many muscly guys. Most of my male friends are either wannabe rock god skinny or cuddly around the edges.  But inside my working life, I meet guys who work out all the time.

Let me tell you a little known fact.
Stripclubs are a haven for unusual looking people.  The girls have freaky surgery, unimaginably long hair, and skin the colour of an Orangutan.

But the guys can also be pretty interesting looking too....
Rich army types with cock-duster moustaches.
Footballers with plucked eyebrows and racks of shiny diamonds.
Essex boys with tans, tattoos and too tight trousers by an LA designer.
Big muscly men - and lots of them!!!

Gangstars and heavies, friends of the doormen, cityboys who work out in the gyms in their offices, successful men who now focus their energies on slavishly creating the perfect Men's Health body.

Now these muscleheads usually rarely have lap dances.  Perhaps it's because they don't see bodies in that way - they just like to watch an athletic woman performing a few pole tricks perhaps, or soak up the testosterone filled atmosphere over some vodka's. (Gym bunnies don't drink beer, they want ripped chests not plodgy bellies).

However, I love to talk to the hot muscly guys - well when else am I going to get a chance to talk to a dangerous looking bad boy, the kind who could crush me with one powerful hand?

And every now and then, I get to give them a couple of dances.  And naturally, I kinda enjoy it.  Turning on such a big powerful stallion of a man, with his biceps bulging out of his Ed Hardy T-shirt.  Feeling his eyes burning as he traces my skin and curves, following his line of sight to my own strong legs, lean and toned from years pounding the boards.  I curve up, rubbing my breasts, trying to stretch out my stomach, pulling the demi-moons up till they perk their pink noses to the soft mood lighting of the booth.

And thats when my face falls.  I love dancing for the muscly men, they love me - but I'm a woman.  I get body issues, feel fat, pile on the pounds after a lazy day being hungover and watching the telly.  My stomach gets bloated and waterlogged monthly, if not more, as I bleed not only on my period, but when I forget to take my contraceptive pill - perhaps after a three day bender, he he he.  The drugs don't work when you've been on drugs yourself.

So taking all of your clothes off and exposing yourself, every inch, for a good looking guy who takes care of his own body can be a daunting experience.  Really daunting.  But that makes the naughtiness more explicit, and as I get more kinky and cocky from all these compliments, I get really turned on, feel special, feel wanted and sexy - I'm not that bad after all.
Unless I am having an off day, or I notice a gleam in the eyes of the man I am dancing for that shows a hint of disapproval, a recoil as I tilt a certain angle and show some goosepimples of cold flesh.  Hey, that air-conditioning can get pretty chilly ya know.

But twenty quid is twenty quid, whether an exotic dancer likes the guy or its just him liking her.  And hopefully the lean, mean weight-lifting machines will rub off on me so that I drag my ass down to the gym on a daily basis.....

Review of 'Stripped; A Life of Strip & Tease in Clubland' by Samantha Bailey

A memoir that runs the full life cycle of lapdancing.  Samantha Bailey began as a champagne hostess and lapdancer in Denmark when she was only a sweetfaced 17 year old from Essex, then returned to the UK and worked in a succession of lapdancing clubs, first as a stripper, then as a house mum.  Unfortunately for the gossip mongerers she doesn't explicitly name any clubs other than Stringfellows, but I reckon I can recognise a few of the places - and people - she mentions.  Keeping my lips sealed for now tho! 
Seeing as we both write about the same territory, I was suprised to see that the experiences which stick out in my mind are completely different.  She talks about money and gangsters on almost every page, which could make some readers lose sympathy for the protagonist.  You see her naievity in the industry gradually dissapate, and replaced by a steely determination to get on top of her game.  However, over the ten year period, the game is changing - more clubs are opening up, stealing business, and a new breed of stripper, who will do anything for money, from dirty dancing to prostitution, emerge.  At first Sam combats this ill tide by switching clubs, but she feels that she cannot cope as the guareenteed money begins to dry up.  And Jesus, did this girl earn some money!!! She had a flotilla of regulars, guareenteeing several grand a week, and commission was so low in the beginning that it was practically non-existent.  Eventually though, the commission and house fees begin to increase, as the clubs realised that they can make money off the dancers as well as the customers.  She thinks she has a fresh start when she becomes a housemother, but the club, codenamed 'Liberty Steel', is taken over by a bunch of Americans who sound like a mealy-mouthed, hard-nosed contingent who make her life difficult.  She eventually quits in glorious fashion, presumably to go off and write this tell-all memoir - Stripped: A Life of Strip and Tease in Clubland
My favourite chapter explored the different types of customers; 'The Virgin', 'Mr Trapped', and hilariously 'The Homosocials'.  All in all, she divided the guys into six different personality and spending types, (see my stripclub stereotypes series for more in a similar vein), and I felt that she summed up the men really well. The Homosocials are described as men who come into impress other men ie: their clients. Or as she brilliantly puts it "It's a bizarre variation of the 'see how big my dick is' contest that men play all the time."
Stripped: A Life of Strip and Tease in Clubland
has only just come out last week, and it's doing really well in the charts, so I encourage you to click on the link and grab a copy before they all sell out.  Perfect holiday reading for when summer arrives!

Shock Horror! Houston Chronicle versus Diary of An Angry Stripper

Dear Diary, I think you've been found.
The pages have been ripped out, torn apart, and my stories out for all the world to see as my identity is revealed.

Bless Sarah.  Her Stateside blog 'Diary of An Angry Stripper', that of the fabulous title and enviable reader comments, has been on my favourite posts links page for a while now.  It's a very smart looking blog, and she has posted some really funny little bon-mots.  I especially like her lists - what not to say to a stripper, ten things about our timekeeping, beauty obsessions, and general fabulous stripperness, and a really funny tale on Jeremy Piven, he of 'Entourage' fame, and his crap technique in bed.
But she was also working as a society reporter at the Houston Chronicle, which basically menat that she was going around to all these posh society bashes in an ultra conservative city filled with uptight, well bred folk....and when a rival paper outed her, outrage ensued. 

Ohh dinners here! Good luck sarah, I'm gonna finish up later

Stripper Stories - guest post by Sheila Hageman

The strippping and blogging community makes a perfect match, and I love talking with my fellow dancers, call girls and bloggers.  Sheila Hageman is one of these inspirational women, and I'm happy to present a call to action from her! Here is her guest post, and please check out her fantastic books too!
It’s time for strippers to unite!

I’m not talking about creating a sex-workers union or anything like that. No, what I’m talking about is much more radical than that. It’s time for strippers to unite in their mission to tell their stories.

There are lots of stories told out there about us—just look at the movies, television shows, and magazine stories to see what people believe about strippers. But they are not our stories.

Okay, yes—there are some stripper memoirs out there. I mean, I’m one of those stripper memoirists having written Stripping Down
and The Pole Position: Is Stripping for You? (And How to Stay Healthy Doing It)
 I also blog about the life of an ex-stripper who became a mom and writer at Stripper Mom.

But do you know what the biggest message I’ve been receiving from readers is? I keep hearing—Oh, wow! It’s not just another stripper memoir!

True, Stripping Down deals with much more than just my stripping past. My story begins: at twelve years old, everything changed for me with the discovery of my estranged father’s porn collection. Found locked away in a corner of the basement, the glossy images ignite in me an unrelenting desire for attention and adoration. Now, reflections on my past as a stripper permeate my thoughts as I take on the new roles of mother, caregiver and wife. While helping my baby daughter take her first steps, I nurse my mother through the final stages of breast cancer.

Spiraling through memories and torn between the woman I am becoming and the woman I have been, I am continually Stripping Down.

Part of the problem about the stripper stories we hear is that often strippers are presented in just that one way; we become compartmentalized and shown to be just that and nothing else.

I propose that every thinking stripper out there get to writing and start representing!

Write about everything, not just your stripping life because you are more than just a stripper.

Journal about your everyday life, your past, even your imagined future. But don’t avoid your stripper story either. There is so much to delve into and explore.

Let’s share our stories with the world. Let’s show that we are not all alike. We are all unique and amazing women with our own stories to tell.

If you want to write but don’t know where to start just begin simply by journaling. We’re not talking old-school “Dear Diary” or anything, just grab a pen and pretty journal and carry it with you wherever you go.

Whenever you feel inspired or notice something around you, jot it down.

When you’re first starting out, don’t worry about making it perfect, just get some words down on the page. This is how you start. From the beginning. From right where you are.

Write about your surroundings, about what you see, hear, smell and taste.

And if you are feeling bold—start a blog! Share your words with the world.

What are you waiting for?

What is your story?

Sheila Hageman is a multi-tasking wife and mother of three who blogs for The Huffington Post. Her memoir, Stripping Down, February 2012, from Pink Fish Press, is a moving meditation on womanhood and body image. Also check out her Decision-Making Guide and Self-Discovery Journal, THE POLE POSITION: Is Stripping for You? (And How to Stay Healthy Doing It), by Every Day Create, December 2011, that helps women to further value their own identities through their quest to understand their motivations for stripping. She received her MFA in Creative Writing from Hunter College, CUNY, where she also graduated as valedictorian as an undergraduate. She is a Yoga instructor and teaches Writing at Housatonic Community College and Kaplan University. She has work in many anthologies and magazines like Salon, The Fertile Source, Prime Mincer, and Foliate Oak Literary Journal. To learn more about Sheila and everything she does, please visit Check out her blogs: Stripper Mom and Celebrity Momster.

'The Intimate Adventures of a London Call Girl' by Belle de Jour aka Dr. Brooke Magnanti.

Without a doubt Belle is a fantastic diarist, and one of my blogging hero's. In many ways she inspired me to start this blog as "Sassy Lapdancer", but not as a carrion call to 'look at me'! I'm inspired by her emotional honesty, and it really comes across in The Intimate Adventures of a London Call Girl
, which was her first book, evolving from her popular and award-winning blog.

As well as delving into explicit and intimate detail about her client's sexual peccadilloes, and the processes involved in getting ready for and meeting clients as a call girl in London, she writes about her love and home life. You feel sympathy for this woman, who often feels alone and alienated in the bustling strangeness of big city London. That she commits such intimate acts - perversions, blowjobs, girlfriend experiences, plus a whole host of sexual tricks, played out in various hotel rooms - but cannot find peace and love in her normal life - is a fantastic tale.

It's chock-full of very funny writing, done in a tongue-in-cheek way. It's a gripping series of anecdotes, which can make the narrative jump about a bit, but doesn't take from it's charm. She is extremely frank when describing sex and fantasies, but you are just as likely to laugh as to blush.

It's a great starter book for any erotic confessional collection.

The second book in the series The Further Adventures of a London Call Girl
continues in the same 'year in the life of...' vein, and see's a few of her boyfriends from the first book pop back into her life. I must admit that for a girl who deals with sex everyday, she also has a pretty raunchy stable of boyfriends, but then I guess I do too, if you condensed a whole years worth of sex into a novel.

There was also a FANTASTIC and highly addictive TV series and you can grab the DVD's here Secret Diary of a Call Girl - Series 1-4 Complete [DVD]
If you want a great box set to while away a rainy weekend (happens a lot in London), I'd get one sent over straightaway. It's like all the sexy bits of Sex & the City set in London, and has fabulous fashion to boot!

Wednesday, 4 April 2012

Don't smoke you drunken idiot!!!

If there are several butts wiggling in front of you whilst their tiny streaky-lined panties are tangled around their ankles, perhaps there is a bottle of £180 champagne within reach, I can understand that a man may get fairly distracted. He may lay back, observe the sensual scene unfolding in front of him that he has shelled out a succession of twenty pound notes and card swipes for, and feel relaxed. Totally relaxed. Relaxed enough to feel like he is at home, reaching into his suit, pulling out a cigarette, and lighting it up.
Deep pull, close your eyes..... and then BAM!!! Every bouncer and manager in the building rushes in helter-skelter,the cigarette gets pulled from your fingers, hot rocks and ash falling onto your Savile Row whistle, the girls start screaming, they are herded out, half naked, stumbling over their dropped lacy panties, and you are surrounded.
This whole scene takes barely a minute.
You lost concentration, you silly drunken idiot, revelling in the moment.
Because whatever goes on in the champagne rooms, nowadays, smoking is definately not allowed.
Uh- uh.
London's got a smoking ban, as has half of Europe.
You mighht get a quick feel, you might get laid, you might even get a phone number - but a quick pull on a fag???
Forget about it.  It's a ten thousand pound fine, whereas a bit of bad perverted behaviour will either get you cuffed round the ear, or perhaps the stripper might get suspended.
I've had a guy pull his pants down and waggle his dick at me, many others who have grabbed me so hard that I've screamed, people stick out their slobbery tongues and try and lick my nipples - and to be honest, many one or two bouncers and managers have perhaps waded in.  Slap on the wrist.
But light up inside the club, and you're out mate.  Pronto.

Funny that isn't it? Is my welfare that unimportant, or do all gentleman's club managers have asthma.......???