Thursday, 8 September 2011

Lapdance from Hell

Last night I had a lapdance from hell.  It was hellish because as well as taking ages to go have a dance, and continually trying to grope my bottom before we even got in there (attempted groping on the main floor, especially when you are standing mere feet away from where the manager's like to hang out, chat & be king of all they survey, is a BAD idea. if you want to break the no-touching rules, at least do it in the dance booths, as then I'll be getting a little sugar and you won't get told off as it's practically expected there)

Anyway, I digress.  Why was this a lapdance from hell - trust me, I've had many - but this was hellish because.....

he had a huge GROWTH on his face

that was probably CONTAGIOUS..... and he had been trying to put his obviously extremely filthy paws on me.

It was on his lip - well, it was bigger than his lip. It was a good inch across and a half high. It wasn't a cold sore, it wasn't a mole - it looked more like a BOIL.

A big, ready to burst bubble that was brown and purple - the nastiest BOIL ewwww

I hadn't noticed it out on the floor as we had been talking in a shadowed corner, but the dance booth we went to was a brighter than usual one, and so that's when I saw it.

I bet he saw the look of horror cross my face, and I tried my hardest to  dance as far away from his wandering hands as possible.  I didn't want to refuse the dance as it was a slow night and that would be nasty - it's probably not his fault he has the beginnings of an alien form growing in such a prominent on his face, but there was no way I was catching that thing.  End of my career or what?

I washed my hands afterwards a million times.

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