Sunday, 27 November 2011

Getting the right stripper look for each stripclub

An exotic dancer's job is based on looks.  Yeah, sales and attitude come into it, but the right look is key.  That doesn't mean that a girl needs a boobjob, or fake tan, or locks as blonde as Rapunzel.  But it's important to realise that you need the right look - the right look for the night, the right look for the guys coming in, the guys you want to attract, and for the club itself.

Firstly, if you don't have the right look for the club then they won't hire you, or they'll perhaps tell you to sharpen up before your inaugural shift.  That's what happened to me in my first dancing job - I was being hired as a hostess but they said I looked too young.  It's true - I looked proper jailbait at 18/19 years old.

Secondly, it's nice to fit in.  The girls in any club will always look at you a bit funny when you first start - but that's the same as anyplace, right? New school, new office, new pub...  Well whilst it's nice to stand out and look special - perhaps be the only redhead, have the biggest breasts, the shakiest arse, the longest, thickest hair - you still have to make sure that you rock the look which is THE LOOK for you.

Finally, and perhaps most importantly, what works for someone - or somewhere - or sometime - else, may not work all the time.  If you are auditioning for an upmarket club, then make sure you look like you take care of yourself.  You have to be immaculate.  No visible roots on those highlights.  Some nice shiny diamante jewellery.  
Your clients will be expecting girls to have a certain look - if its a busy club full of lads on the lash, channel a lads mag pin-up and throw in a few fantasy outfits for good measure.  If its busy midweek attracting business clients, then look groomed - the girlfriend that got away, the supermodel they lust after on billboards, that cute girl from the front desk.  A little black dress, stockings, whoosh those GHDs over your hair.  Turning up on a Tuesday looking like a streetwalker with patent boots and pillarbox red lips may sound like it will make you money, but in reality many men will just be scared off.
If you are feeling downbeat, make your look safe.  Lock-up any outfits which look cheap, hold bad associations, or feel tatty.  Bring out those old favourites, and perhaps cheer yourself up with some new jewellery or expensive lingerie.  A pair of stockings from Walford can be bought from Selfridges for £20, a fancy diamante ring that makes you smile every time you look at it costs under a tenner from anywhere on the high street.

if you are on stage a lot, invest in the ultimate stripper thong.  Yes you read that right - THE ULTIMATE LAP DANCER G-STRING, the kind which blows all those other butts on stage away.  AWAY!  In picking a thong, you have several considerations;

  • BRIGHT ; make your thong so bright that it shines from 50 yards away - because that's how far from your naked booty your customer is sitting.  Get your dancer pal to order a drink form the bar and watch you on stage. If she is not blinded, the thong is wrong. Flouro or crystals need to be maxed.
  • DIAMANTE - Look, crystals catch the light, and you will be standing in lots and lots of spot lights when you are on stage, so ignore the chafe and Swarovski your arse. Your spangly crotch will thank you for it once those notes start getting shoved in the elastic...
  • CURVES I really don't understand all these thong coming onto the market that go straight across your bum. It makes even the most well toned exotic dancer look flabby and fat. Buy the dental floss that curves up, or for the very least, pull it up across your butt cheeks.
  • BUM BUM BUM I've given a million lap dances, and men fall into two camps with me.  They are either an ass or a tit man.  So why so many lapdancers pay no attention to their pants is beyond me.  Pay attention to your pants! If you are tired, bored, need to pick your nose, cough, yawn, or all of the above, you will need to turn around and wiggle your butt. So make your arse a joy to see. 
  • PROLONGING LAP DANCES Look, this is easy-peasy - the longer it takes for you to strip, the bigger likelihood that you will get a 2nd or more lap dance.  Thats another 20 in your pocket. So play with those panties.
  • LABELS Please for the love of Bacchus (God of Debauchery), pretty please, cut the bloody labels out of your pants.  Stripper pants have a lot of wear and tear, and a short shelf life, so if you haven't bought a job lot from the outfit guys that pop up occasionally, a dancer is more likely o wear Primark than La Perla.  Just cut the label out so that the guy who just dropped a grand on you in VIP doesn't think 'CHEAP!'  He wants to stare at your beautiful curves, not the fruits of child labour....

If your look is not working, check out what the top-earners are doing.  And copy it. 
Well they do say imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, right?

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