Time for a Body Overhaul

Well I'm back from my little sojourn in Italy, and whilst I had a fantastic time, I am now faced with several problems....

Flickr by KWDesigns

• Carb overload.  I'm not stupid, I knew that this would happen in the land of pizza and pasta.  Luckily for me, I find it very difficult to put weight on, and even if I do pile on a few pounds, they usually pad out my tummy or tits, never the hips.  So after five days stuffing my face with mozzarella in all it's incarnations (creamy burrata, heavy smoked scamorza, melted and gooey mozzarella that stretches from mouth to plate - you get the idea), anyhow, even after five days of munching my body still looks ok.  Not perfect, but still a size 8, except that now with a bit more cleavedge and a little pot belly.  Nothing that a bit of fake tan can't sculpt...
• Patchy tan.   I didn't top myself up whilst I was away, so my usual layer of terracotta gloop has rubbed off.  It was also in the pleasant twenties so I even caught a bit of sun, especially whilst walking around the glaring ruins of Pompeii.  Again, it's nothing that careful application of fake tan can't fill in....
• Dodgy knee  Partying by night & sightseeing by day has left me with a swollen knee.  It's the first time my knee's given out through over-use, and I'm pretty worried about it as I'm usually in such good flexible shape.  I'll be calling my masseuse to pound out any stiffness in my joints and muscles, but will also have to find a decent physio to take a look at what could turn into a lingering problem which would be disasterous for my career. (And no, I don't get sick pay guys!)
• Red Wine Teeth  I drank a lot.  I think I damaged my kidneys too as I had a lower back ache for a good 24 hours.
• BUT THE GOOD NEWS IS.....  I had a well-deserved holiday, got to see some beautiful sights both ancient and modern, got trashed with old friends and made lovely new ones.  I also spoilt myself to a lovely lingerie slip in Italian silk and lace that will be perfect for work, and several traditional devil's horn good luck charms, so hopefully they will manifest in lot's of lucky VIP's and multiple lapdances.......