Tuesday, 1 May 2012

The Love Life of a Lapdancer

She stares into your eyes after you've asked the question, before shyly playing with a strand of her hair.
"Do I have a boyfriend? With this job? Are you kidding?"

So how many lapdancer's really are single and available?

If you walk into a club as a punter and ask all the girls this question, most of the dancer's will say that they are single, with a few lovers on the side.  Some may even say that they are lesbian - and do you want to see her dancing with their girlfriend, who is just over there?

Luckily for you, I have behind the scenes access, and can tell you the truth of what really goes on in the love lives of lapdancer's today.  Here is what I have learnt.... some stereotypical, much of it is very surprising.

Lets base it on your average stripclub in a big English city, such as London, Birmingham or Bournemouth.  
There will be 70 girls working on a busy Thursday night.

  • 40 girls will be from Eastern European countries.  The Romanians will probably have a husband or baby back at home - they will also be devoutly Catholic and only return home for a huge celebration of religious holidays ie: Easter, Christmas.  
  • The Polish, Latvian, Bulgarian and  Russian girls are more of a mixed bunch.  They will probably have boyfriends who are living in the UK, that they met here. 
  • 3 girls will be Asian.  They will probably be dating an English man - there is something about 'yellow fever' which will grip a man and make him an incredibly enamoured boyfriend, many Asian girls will get spoilt rotten by their boyfriends, lucky things!
  • 5 girls will be from Brazil, and will be single or casually dating either a fellow Latino they met here on one of their many nights out.  Brazilians like to party!!
  • There will be two Australian girls, who are single and ready to mingle, if they get a chance in-between jetting off on weekend breaks all over Europe.
  • There will be 2 girls from the Caribbean, they will have some funny stories about the dodgy guys they have dated back home but will generally be wary of spreading the love around too much.
  • There will be 2 girls from Africa, they will be single but are waiting for someone special...
  • As will the single Indian girl. Stripclubs never seem to have more than one Indian girl, I guess they don't see it as a viable career choice...
  • There will be 5 English girls who are dating muscly men - a security doorman or a boxer. 
  • There will be 3 English girls who have adorable kids at home.
  • There will be 5 English girls who have really messed up and twisted relationships with psychotic guys, and they will spend half the night screaming down the phone at the good for nothing, who they suspect is seeing another girl behind their back.  Think TOWIE.
  • There will be 3 girls, of any nationality, who are obsessed with footballers.
  • Of the Eastern Europeans, 10 of the 40 will not have had sex for at least 3 months. 
  • In fact, out of the 70 girls, I'd say 25 would not have had sex for at least 3 months.  I frequently meet dancers who have not had sex for a year or more....
  • Oh, and there will be 2 lesbians.  Usually with a butch girl waiting at home, as a lapdancer is quite femme, dontcha think?

So there you have it - observed, as if I was David Attenborough himself in a G-string, the dating habits and mating rituals of the lesser spotted lapus dancerus as observed in an intense and lengthy study in their natural habitat.

1 comment:

scarlett said...

Haaaaaa so true, especially the psychotic boyfriend shit!
One of my stripper friends fits well in that category