Stripped - too right there!

So I've been pouring over the recent book by `Jennifer Hayashi Dann & Sandrine Levique'
on the UK lapdancing industry- and its ties with the sex industry in the UK in general.
As I mentioned a few posts ago, I was worried it may be harrowing stuff which put me off my profession, and you know what? It is.

Score of women have rolled up to give their two bob bit and I empathise with so many elements of their problems its scary. I'll be posting a review later this week, but so far? It's scarily food for thought....
I already feel worried enough turning up to strip - what if a manager or co-worker found out I had this blog? Would I be seen as a bad influence - a whistle blower? Would I get sacked? I don't know if I am prepared to lose my job for a few scribbled down words.  As regular readers will know, I don't shit-stir, I don't name-drop, I don't moan in explicit detail about my nights at work, the guys I get naked for, the girls I do it for or the managers I tip out each night.  I just generally try and use this as an outlet for my little pieces on the stripclub industry - hell, the sex industry in London in general - I am classed as a sex worker by the government after their ruling a few year back now - anyway, I just like to write on what it is like to be a stripper in London and my thoughts on London's sex industry.
Still, the book Stripped: The Bare Reality of Lap Dancing
paints such a negative picture of exotic dancers and the attitudes that they are faced with that I am glad I have this blog, because in its own miniscule way I can be a voice for all the lap dancers out there who enjoy their jobs, who work in nice clubs, and feel that they are doing a service to mankind itself.
There, I've said it.  I'm a girl providing a service of full-blown, 5 star entertainment.  I'm a stripper. I get your rocks off.  For money. So there.
Just please, if you are my boss, don't figure out who I am and sack me.  I'm not a dancer with a malicious bone in her body - my bones are rather flexible, and tanned and trim at that.  I'm just a girl, who like anybody else, has days where she loves her profession pathway, days where she hates her job, but please don't get scared by my stripper diary.
It's as harmless as a single lapdance..... you can always have one... no1 will notice....

Really Rosamund? The clubs that strip women of their dignity

I got told by a fellow tweeter last Thursday that there was 'a rather misinformed article compared to the one you were in in the Evening Standard the other week' (thanks @K_Pilch)

I followed her link and found a rather opinionated article on a female journalist's visit to Secret's in Covent Garden.  Read it here

I was surprised by how offensive it was.  The author, Rosamund Unwin, has written very funny and sharp article in the past that I have really enjoyed, but this wasn't clever at all, just nasty with a hint of snobbish bully about it.  She calls herself a 'self-declared strident feminist' but derides a ladies night - the first one the club had held (in that location).  I tried to look at the website to see what 'ladies night' entails but I couldn't find any information.  Nonetheless, a stripclub making an effort to be more attractive to female customers should be applauded.  In America, girls visit lapdancing bars all the time - why not here?  Besides, the lesbian scene in London has been decimated with the closure of Ghetto and Trash Palace, and is now a figure of fun in the sleazy Channel 5 documentary imaginatively titled 'The Candy Bar'.  (I've been there, it's great, and much better than channel 5 portrays it.)

She says that the dance was 'as erotic as taking out the rubbish' and complains about feeling the dancer's 'leg stubble'.  She also says that her female friend was laughing throughout in 'embarrassed hysterics'.  Poor girls - doesn't Rosamund realise that we are not all Dita von Teese, and have to try and be 'erotic' without personalised lighting, special effects, a hair and make-up team, and a chereographer?

I was really pleased to see that the majority of comments were in favour of lapdancers and thought that the piece was 'one-sided' and 'bitter'.  It's certainly very different to the Striponomics article which was based on an interview with yours truly a few months ago.  There are also lots of reader comments on my blog piece on the article

I suppose that it's the job of newspapers to explore professions such as mine from all angles, and that the Evening Standard should be lauded for presenting such different views by such different columnists.  London's sex industry is a huge heaving underground mass and it's great to see insights into the sex industry in London get some press - even if it's a bad review of a lapdancing bar.  Still, it's a shame that Rosamund Unwin complained of lapdancing bars stripping women of their dignity, when she goes on to strip the lapdancers of their dignity in her article.

Advice on how to become a lapdancer in London

I've been asked recently by several readers for advice on becoming a lapdancer. I've been a stripper in London and have also worked abroad as a travelling/holidaying lapdancer. Stripper's on tour!  So it's safe to say I know the basics on becoming a stripper.  I can certainly help girls become a stripper in London.  BUT - I think many are missing the point of the job. Check out this email below;


I'm 21, moving to London just having graduated and am looking for a way to get extra cash - whether it's possible just to 'slip' in to this profession and 'slip out' easily I don't know yet! I'm confident, have never danced before, I'm very 'English', I'm pretty slim but could do with some work to be more groomed/body wise. I'm tall at 5ft 8 but look a little younger than I am. How likely am I to be accepted at a club?


Notice that a lot of the query rests on appearance.  Whilst looks are obviously key in this job, you would be suprised - you don't have to look like a supermodel to make the cut in an audition.....


My top tips are;

• Go to a couple of strip clubs first. Secrets has ladies nights occassionally, and most clubs will let girls in if accompanied by a man.  I'd recommend Platinum Lace & the Windmill if it's your first time in a stripclub and you live in London.  This is because both are based near Leicester Square so you won't feel like you are making a perverted trip to a strange part of town.  You can also hit the gay bars in nearby Soho afterwards for a masterclass in attitude and wearing heels and frocks that you really shouldn't be.
• Watch MTV and all those nasty hip hop videos.  Emulate the bump and grinds and then slow it down till you look like you are bored.  That's how to lapdance.
• Get GHDS and either straighten or curl your hair. Hairspray and backcombing are mandatory.  Then add big drop diamante earrings.
• Golden Rule 1; ALWAYS wear fake tan.  If you don't want to look like you have been tangoed, use Rimmel Sun-shimmer - ALWAYS medium shimmer, not fair or matte.  Apply to a pre-moisturised body with a mitt and don't forget your bum crack.
• Golden Rule 2: ALWAYS wear fake lashes. Think Jodie Marsh when you are applying make-up.
• AUDITIONS;  held at most clubs in the afternoons or early evenings.  They will ask you to dance 2 songs on a stage with a pole, one with your clothes on, then take your clothes off and dance in just your G-string for the 2nd song.  There will be NO-ONE in the club at that early hour, just the manager and lots of bored strippers staring at you.  So don't sweat the 'will I look ok' bit.  They've seen it all before.
• LIE;  say you've danced somewhere before.  ie: "I danced in Leeds whilst at University for a bit" - google a club before.  "It's been a while though so I'm a little nervous."  Born-again Virgins are likely to elicit more sympathy and a job when compared to a fresh off the boat newbie.
• FIRST NIGHT;  Remember stripping is about SALES.  You have to pay to work a shift and get your money back any way you can.  So practice speaking, persuasion, being pushy and smiling.
• LOOKS;  You get tall, short, chubby, flat-titted, cellulited strippers all the time.  That's why we wear fake-tan - it hides a multitude of sins.  Failing that, find a club that is too cheap to afford a decent lighting system - it'll be so dark that no-one will notice.

SMILE AND ENJOY - GOOD LUCK!!!!  


P.s.  I hope you enjoy and use my advice on how to become a lapdancer in London.  You can, of course, use my advice on becoming a stripper for anywhere, or anyone.  Remember, don't despair.  If you fail at one club, audition at another.  There are a million stripclubs in London, even more stripclubs in the UK, and LOADS of tittiejoints worldwide and if you are new to the industry, you will either be disgusted or love the experiences you have finding them out.