Thursday, 7 July 2011


I had to keep my little mouth shut today at work after being featured in the evening standard newspaper which is distributed in a major way throughout London.

See the awesome article by super Simon English here

I've dealt with this by repeatedly requesting dolly Parton & disco anthems when I get called up on stage.

It's really difficult keeping your mouth shut when you have to talk for a living...


WasJustBoredAndCurious said...

I was reading that article just now, which seems to be largely based around an interview with you, and thought that it read as reality, rather than as just the usual nonsense.
It was great as a human interest story and also as a piece about economics, and how it applies in real life. Thanks for providing me, and everyone else, with a little insight into an interesting, ''glamorous'', and slightly taboo subject.
I thought the subtle little plug for your blog within the article was nice.
Good luck in everything, including the book idea!

Anonymous said...

Firstly, this is my THIRD attempt to leave a comment.
Secondly, liked the article you contributed to, so much so that I googled sassy lapdancer to find out which stereotype of customer I would fit into.
Thirdly: However, when I click on the link (either the Prince Charming or the Wallet Clutching Pervert,) it tells me that the old blog address (why be a lapdancer...) has closed, and the website is down.
If those definitions are now dead and gone, then, what are the customer stereotypes? And is there anything customers with defects can do, to redeem themselves in your eyes?
Sorry to bother you, was just avidly curious.

sassy said...

Hiya honey,

I changed my blog name earlier this week and guess I failed to update the links.

I make a crap geek don't I!?

I'll do it now


Anonymous said...

Thanks for that! Sorry to have bothered you, I just had to work out which category I fit into (neither, but closer to the wallet-worrier perv, which is a bit of a wake-up call.).

Anonymous said...

very impressive text! I think now i have more courage to go to a club. I have never been to one before:)

WasJustBoredAndCurious said...


SassyLapdancer: I wondered if I might get your insight into a mini-controversy waging in atheistical/sceptical circles at the moment?
It's not strictly related to your job, but it's related to your femininity more generally, and to sexuality and social mores, which you seem to have thought about.

It's a multi-faceted controversy, touching on how people should debate with one another, and on whether x was beastly to y (she was), but I was driven to ask your opinion because of some of the commentary on the issues.

It's a little complex, and I'm writing this on a phone and can't copy and paste, so I can't direct you to the websites. If my explanation makes no sense, then you could Google "Rebecca Watson, Steff McGraw, Dublin elevator incident, Phyrangula, Richard Dawkins", or "Bad Astronomy Richard Dawkins and Male Privilege" and see what you can find.

Basically, Ricard Dawkins (author of the God Delusion, etc;) is in hot water because he made a comment on a blog about this debate.
It all began when a feminist/humanist speaker named Rebecca Watson was at the World Atheist Convention in Dublin a few weeks ago, where she spoke about the objectification and sexualisation of women (she's against it).

She stayed at the bar until 4am. Then she got in the lift to go to her room. One of the guys from the bar got in with her and made a pass at her. She turned him down, feeling a little uncomfortable, he got off on his floor, she got off at hers.

The next day, she flew back to the USA.

She made a video-blog, in which she briefly mentioned it, told guys not to behave like this as it creeped her out, and said it was an example of a man ''sexualising'' her. She then received some criticism, criticised her critics (one girl, who'd said there was a difference between sexual come-ons and sexism, she accused of being "anti-woman",) and found herself in a controversy.

Dr Dawkins weighed in, saying sarcastically, first of all, that the elevator incident was minor in comparison with the real oppression of women in Saudi Arabia, and then later, when pressed, that absolutely nothing had happened, and that she was complaining about nothing. Many in turn condemned Richard Dawkins.

WasJustBoredAndCurious said...

A great number of female contributors condemned the elevator-man for being insensitive - or worse. What was surprising to me was, that so many seemed to be saying it was a positively scary experience, because it was in an elevator. And not merely a little uncomfortable. They went on to relate how careful they had to be in their lives: How, if they were alone, no man should ever speak to them. How, when one lady was in a bar, she would take her drink to the toilet to ensure it wasn't spiked. And how, if a woman is alone in an elevator, a man should just not get on (because in an elevator, there is no escape route). Let alone speak to her. Let alone make a pass.

Another interesting topic was, the explanation by Rebecca Watson of "sexualisation"; that 'flirtation' was fine, but approaching a woman without regard to her feelings was objectification and miscogony.

And another interesting question came up for debate: should a person be obliged to so conduct themselves that another person will not feel threatened? We obviously already do this, and yet, if someone else's subjective feelings are the standard on which our behaviour is judged, does that not potentially place on us unacceptable constraints, and how far does anyone have a "right" to feel free from threat?

I'm afraid I've not very well expressed myself above. I'm very tired, and I can't copy and paste, and I'm trying to describe that odd thing; an apparently riduculous issue which has many ramifications.

I wondered what you, as a normal woman, who's not angry on one side or the other, might have to say?

I wondered, 1stly, what you thought of the original scenario in the Dublin hotel elevator? Was it inherently creepy (that is, creepy whoever the man was etc,) or was it only creepy because all attraction/flirtation is creepy unless recipricated?

2ndly, Do you think that the man's behaviour was also sexist, or objectification, or the "sexualising" of women that RW so objected to?

3rdly, Was RW correct in saying that men should avoid doing "creepy" things, even if they're innocent in intent? And, if so, what things should they avoid? For instance, should a gay man go so far as to avoid getting in an elevator with RW, even though he's not interested in her? Or, is Richard Dawkins correct, that RW's fears should not have any impact on anyone else's behaviour, unless those fears are rational? Surely not tailoring your behaviour to other people's needs is inconsiderate and therefore bad?

4thly, (and it's this that made me think of your blog) how far are the comments made by some women, about how it would be an inherently uncomfortable situation, and how they are always assessing risk, general and true? I mean, the majority of women I know appear pretty carefree, but, of course, everyone varies.
What is your and your friends standard of situational awareness? How far does the need to take rational precaution negatively affect your life? Do you identify with the sentiments expressed?

5thly, a huge subject: is there any way of saying, in a succinct manner, how men should behave around women (in general environments like offices, public transport, bars, etc.)? And are these rules different in a strip club, or fundamentally the same?

5 ginormous questions there. Sorry to ask you, but, I've been talking this with friends, and thought a sassy female authority was needed. I doubt you'll have the time to actually answer, and if you don't, I won't be offended.
But, if you do, I'd be interested in your views.

PS. Richard Dawkins is accused of "male privilege"; do you think that's fair?

sassy said...

I'm going to work on those questions and see if I can turn them into a blog post, as the boundaries I have at work are completely different to those I have in my day to day life. Like many women, I am several different personas of women, and what I am offended by can change as I morph into these different women.
I'll work on a proper answer this week - but a seriously good comment, thanx xxx

WasJustBoredAndCurious, now a blog addict. said...

Yay! A word of praise from a beautiful woman - even one I've never met - and a little hit of endorphins run through my brain. I'm glad the question wasn't too off-the-wall, I thought I rambled a bit, and probably wouldn't get an answer. I saw your latest post btw and thought it was good. I expect it feels good to write about things like that. I used to keep a diary, and, though it was strictly private, I always wrote "as if" for an imagined audience.

I won't comment any more, but I will come back and have a read every week or so and see what's up.
Keep up the good work.