Tuesday, 17 April 2012

Why it's hard to give a really fat guy a lapdance

Last Saturday night, I met a Spanish guy.  Now usually I find El Latino's really, really sexy, but this one wasn't your typical Adonis.  He was short - probably about 5"6. He was balding, and it was really obvious because he had the typical dark black Spanish hair, but atop an incredibly sweaty and shiny bald pate.  He didn't speak much English, so we spoke in my pidgin Spanglish. 
He was also really, really fat.  So fat indeed that he resembled a bowling ball.  I wanted to roll him onto his side and roll him up and down the stage doing circus tricks like this;

Unfortunately stripclub regualtions do not allow me to bounce up and down and roll portly punters whilst I wear my biggest Showgirl smile.
Even more unfortunately this image came into mind whilst I was giving Mr. Madrid a lapdance and I wanted to giggle so bad  I had to bite my bottom lip.
When you give a guy with a big pot belly a dance it's best to have him leaning against a wall, rail, or seat with a high back, as a stripper will have to reach higher and further than usual if she wants to stick her tits in his face.  This is the standard lapdancing move that every guy wants so you may as well make it easier if you can.  Note that the belly may get in the way if you try and grind him as well.  Now this extra cushiony bit will feel great on your bottom but not so good for the guy who is desperately panting for something - anything - to brush up against his cock.  So lets say that you try wiggling a little bit closer, really sitting on his lap - a word of warning, don't forget about his belt-buckle! They are sharp, pointy, and can easily scratch a girls bottom. Just because it's out of sight doesn't mean it should be out of mind.  A lapdancer doesn't want to get injured or scarred on her prize asset for a twenty!!!

So in sum. If you are giving a guy with a flabby, round, swollen or just plain big belly the lapdance of his life, don't giggle, and don't forget his belt buckle, cleverly hidden underneath those rolls.....

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